EXPERIENCE #61: DRINKING SOME PUNCH AT SOME PARTY

Every time I go to a house party I'm always hoping that someone has taken the time to make-up a big ol' bowl of fruity punch so that I can pretend I'm at some teeny bopper high school shindig with my bros and ho's having a right old laugh.

Sadly this has never happened for me and I admit that I have never ever tried punch.

In fact even when I was at a real high school house party in a real American town in America there wasn't any punch...ruined.

Last night though I went to the lovely Hayley Browns birthday bonanza and discovered a huge bowl of pink punch in the fridge.

I was given a cup and some was ladled into it for me, I tried to savor the moment as I slurped it all down.

I found the beverage to be a real pleasure to many of the senses and there was definitely a comfortable ratio between the alcohol content and juicy goodness which is something I really look for in a drink.

Anyway Hayley, happy birthday you old dingbat and consider this dedication your birthday present. Sucker x

EXPERIENCE #60: GETTING AND GIVING A HOMEMADE TATTOO

My brother and his girlfriend Teri (who also happens to be my nearest and dearest friend) cleverly found out a way to tattoo yourself with a small collection of the most common of household items.

A few weeks back they inked each other and ended up with a pretty sharp looking anchor on both of their toes.

Now they're home for the Easter holidays I got the chance the find out all the hows, whats and wheres about the technique and even got to get and give one myself.

So all that is required to make your own tattoo kit is a pencil, a needle (sterilized obviously), some thread, some Indian ink and then some idea of what you'd like to have tattooed on you.

You use the thread to firmly tie the needle to the end of the pencil and the ink, to well ink yourself with duh.

As for designs I went for a sperm whale (classic, I know) just under the old left armpit. Teri designed and drew a cheeky little chappy that we decided to call Spermy.

Obviously the main difference between using a professional gun and a pin tied to a stick is that it hurts a lot more and it takes a lot longer.

After roughly an hour of pain and a tea break too it was all done and looking fine and dandy I'd like to add.

The great thing about Spermy is that as I raise my arm to look at him the my skin stretches and it literally looks as is he's perking up because he is happy to see me, bless!

I then got to pin some pictures onto Jay and Teris toes, yep a crown and a triangle. It was a little nerve racking considering how permanent the whole thing was but I think I did rather well.

They were both pleased with the results anyway which is always a good sign and I am more than happy with little Spermy

So drumroll please, yes Teri this one is dedicated to you (finally) thank you for my new little friend. I love you x

EXPERIENCE #59: SEX WITH NOTHING BUT SOCKS ON

 Yeh really not a nice thing to do. Always been a big no no with me and is even more so now.

EXPERIENCE #58: HAVING A FALCONRY LESSON

This is yet another belated birthday gift from my mum this time.

Today I caught the early morning bus down to my local Birds of Prey Center to spend the morning with a professional falconer, oh and Sam came too.

It all started with a rather morbid discussion about the woes of bird keeping and how the chap was considering suicide if he has another bad season this year (not really sure how serious he was being either).

We started by weighing each bird which is something that needs to be done every morning. I got to wear one of the fancy gloves and prance around adorned with falcons and eagles galore taking each one to the scales and then to their perches.

We met all the resident birds including the smallest (and probably cutest) Kestrel species in the world. We got told all about plumage variations, differing sizes and types of behavior.

Also, interesting fact, did you know that birds beaks grow? Yep they do.

Well when it got to lunchtime we had the joy of helping to cut the shit sacks out of dead one day old chicks and massaging powdered vitamins into their little thawed out fluffy bodies; total delight.

Anyway the best bit came next when we got to take a few of the birds out for some training.

First was Bebe who was a cheeky little barn owl who was so tame that he was more like a little dog than a bird. He'd just come off his training line (a term you falconry amateurs simply couldn't get to grips with easily so I'll skip an explanation) and took a real liking to scuffling around looking for chick legs.

I had a little go trying to get him to fly to my glove to receive a baby chick leg...he wasn't too bad you know?

Second was Weasel a barmy looking goshawk with a bad-ass haunch and loco looking stare. We pretty much did the same with Weasel, he was just a little less dog like than Bebe and more like a flying predator.

Lastly I had to fly a harrier falcon all on my own. His name was Jacob and he had an uncontrollable fear of right hands, being right handed myself I wasn't his favorite person in the world.

I got my own bag of dead chick bits and flew him up and down the flying strip a few times.

It was pretty intense having such a big thing hurtling towards you at speeds unknown, but I think I got the knack of it in the end.

The center also do hunting days where you can go out on a killing spree accompanied by dogs, falcons and ferrets...needless to say I'm extremely excited about such a prospect.

Thankyou for pretty much the most perfect present ever mum, love x

EXPERIENCE #57: SERVING AT A FREEMASON CONVENTION

The local Freemason group for whatever reason like to dine in the restaurant that I am now working in.

Now I'm not claiming to be the big cheese on Freemason related conspiracy theories but I have heard a tale or two about what they're secretly all about and that's why I was particularly excited when I found out this evening that I would be personally dishing out their din-dins.

The main man I was particularly interested in observing was someone called the "Worshipful Master" who was a vegetarian (so we have at least one thing in common) and also the head honcho of the whole group.

I was under strict orders that he was to be served first, cleared first and properly looked after.

As soon as he came in I knew it was him, he was one of those properly bold shiny headed men and he had suspiciously dark, thick eyebrows, in fact he looked a ridiculous amount like "The Hood" from Thunderbirds.

Anyway the whole thing was pretty bog standard minus the chanting, stamping and hand clapping which was a little startling.

Annoyingly the "Worshipful Master" slunk off before I had a chance to ask him his views on the New World Order or the issues surrounding chemtrails...next time I'll have you though.

EXPERIENCE #56: BEFRIENDING A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER DAN YEO'S

Whilst checking up on Facebook I noticed that the dam site was suggesting that I add Jay Yeo (my brother) to my roster of friends.

This confused me greatly considering Jay and I natter on Facebook all the time, it wasn't until I looked harder at the thumbnail photo that I realized that it wasn't my Jay Yeo at all and that this was a Jay Yeo of the Asian variety.

I then remembered that my brother had added this bloke a while back for shits and giggles because they have the same name, hilarious I know.

Anyway I sort of scoffed at the screen and didn't really think much more of it, that was until I staggered home from the pub that night after having perhaps one tipple too many.

Thinking it would be the best thing ever, I searched through all of the Dan Yeo's on the planet (well Facebook at least) and added them with the hope that somehow this would make the world a far grander place.

Turns out that firstly my fellow Dan Yeoians aren't too interested in that idea (I'm totally lacking in responses from those douche bags) and secondly after reviewing my fellow comrades under more sober circumstances we don't really make for much of an impressive assortment (please refer to photographs that show the only two that replied).

EXPERIENCE #55: RECIEVING PROBABLY THE BEST BELATED BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER

I hadn't seen my good friend Kesley for a good while and so when I met up with her for drinks this evening I was pleasantly surprised with the belated birthday gift she gave to me.

It only turned out to be a freakin harmonica which is probably my most sought after instrument ever.

I have a lot of plans with my new little 'howlin harp' and as you can see from the accompanying photograph I've already had a brotherly jam sesh with Jay, it was joyous.

I am set on learning the tune that Jesse plays to Willy in the 1993 classic, Free Willy (smirk).

Anyway thankyou so much Kesley my dear its a treasure I will keep forever. This one is for you x

p.s I've put the song on here so that you guys can gush over it as much I have been the past half hour.

 

EXPERIENCE #54: TAKING THE RORSCHACH TEST

Yeh so you should all probably keep your distance yep I'm a little bit of a psycho.

Today at work someone was telling about how they wasted a good fifteen minutes of their life taking an online version of the famous Rorscach Test, you know the one with the silly splodges on the bit of paper.

So i wrote down the address on my hand (which by the way I spelt Rawshock, what a ditz) and rushed home to spend up those fifteen minutes of my life that I had kept spare for such an occasion.

I'd always wanted to give one of these a go but my mum never left me alone long enough for me to have a chance to approach a professional about my "issues" and I don't have any friends with a surplus of ink large enough to create a bundle of homemade blots let alone the skills to analyze them for me.

The free online version is a little iffy to be honest and so i took two different ones just so I had a second diagnosis.

So here they are, judge if you may but I'm yet to be officially classed insane and I don't personally feel that there is anything wrong with having a "sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence", so there.

 TEST ONE:

Sickness Quotient: 92%
WARNING: Your Sickness Quotient of 92% is very disturbing.

Detailed Diagnosis

• Interpersonal Insights
  You think everyone is out to get you, and you're absolutely right. It's because you're an awful person without any redeeming qualities. Your friends (both of them) think you're a total clod. As long as you continue to buy the beer, however, they'll still be your pals.
  
  
• Job Performance & Attitude
  You frequently mention terms like "core competencies" and "paradigm shifts" while at work. Stop acting like such a tool. You have little empathy for anyone more successful at work than you, which is pretty much everyone.
  
  
• Personality Insight
  Your personal motto is "Find something you love, and do it." Unfortunately, your test results indicate you really love sheep. 

TEST TWO:

Compared against a baseline index of approximately 5,000 'standard' responses, your responses indicate the following:

Diagnostic Overview:

You have a disregard of all rules and take sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, you like hockey. There is no likelihood of your making any recovery from this, so wallow in self-pity and then have another beer and some chips. People who answer as you did have bizzare clown-phobias.

Long-Term Prognosis:

You will need intensive psychological care for the rest of your life because of the factors described above. Stay away from other people if at all possible; just use the internet. Don't go outdoors or you're doomed. You are deeply scared of anything dangerous, violent, or threatening, which actually makes perfect sense, now that we think about it.

EXPERIENCE #53: TAKING A TRIP TO SEE AN EYE SPECIALIST

Supposedly I have a lazy eye, well to be honest there is no supposing about it I do.

It's nothing to worry about though and no its not an obvious problem so please stop your laughing and cruel taunts now.

It's something I have had for yonks but it only really becomes apparent when I am tired or travelling in cars for some reason.

Anyway, whilst I was unemployed and bored out of my brains this January just gone, I went on a bit of a free medical check splurge and visited the optician just to check that the googlies were running at full steam.

Turns out they weren't and the old lazy eye was dragging a little. Mr Sanders (my optician) referred me to my GP who he thought should take another look at them. My GP,  had a little panic attack once he checked me over and warned me that surgery was definitely on the cards.

He then told me to go to the hospital which is what happened today. I went with visuals of spliced up eye balls milling around my brain and so to be honest was a little shaky.

I had never been to see someone with such a keen interest in eyes that they decided to specialize in it but in lots of ways I am now glad that I did.

She assured me that if anything my lazy eye is improving (hi five little buddy) and that my optician must have been on crack or meth or something the morning he saw me because there was nothing wrong with the old peepers.

So there you go if anything this experience has enforced my ever growing trust in the countries top notch medical men, god bless you boys x

EXPERIENCE #52: MASTERING THE ACQUIRED SKILL OF STONE SKIPPING

Yes this is one of those "I was such a retarded child that I never got the hang of it" new experiences, secretly though these are actually my favorite kind.

It all started when Sam and I went for a bicycle ride today, we stopped off at quarry so that I could show him the super cool hidden pool they had turned the excavation site into.

It was there that we got to talking about stone skipping and how neither of our fathers had managed to successfully teach us to do it it when we were little.

We agreed for there sake if not our own we would not leave that pool until we had both managed at least four if not more skims each.

Being the amateurs that we were we figured that smaller, flatter and rounder rocks were best best suited for this type of thing.

Wrong, the small rocks simply slapped the water and sank and the best we could do was two bounces before they floundered.

We figured (well mostly Sam) that maybe the bigger ones would work better which they actually did! I then applied some of my stored scientific knowledge and concluded that the larger the surface area the better the bounce back is bound to be.

And that was that, nothing could stop us then. Sam pulled off probably the highest scoring stone skim ever with a triple bounce followed by a stone split that he finished with three more bounces from both halves, impressive I know!

I managed about eight skims which I was totally thrilled with and Sam caught beautifully on camera.

We're going to enter the annual stone skimming tournament this coming summer so keep an eye out for us (just so you know we're the devilishly handsome pair).

EXPERIENCE #51: SPENDING A SATURDAY MORNING DOING EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO

Last year every Saturday morning for me entailed serving an endless trail of posh toff twats coffee until my fingers bled and they had all buggered off home.

I used to envy the fact that they could and would swan in and read the Saturday paper page to page (including supplements and the weekend magazines) and literally sit there and get tanked up on caffeine and cake.

So when today I looked at my Saturday schedule to discover that my day was free I gleefully trundled on down to the newsagents, picked up the Guardian and snuck away to the nearest coffee shop to fulfill a little dream of mine.

For the next six hours I sat, I read, I ate and I drank, that's it and you know what, it was spectacular!

I know that the fact I had all the newspaper sheets spread over the table irritated the hell out of the waiter (mainly because I used to be that waiter) but I really didn't give a hoot, it was my day to be that bloke who people in the coffee trade envy and detest and to be fair I think I did a really good job of it.

It is quite literally something I could do each and every Saturday and is one new experience I would like to try and hang on to.

EXPERIENCE #50: HAVING TEA WITH AN MP

Today I was invited to have tea with my local MP Mr Dan Rodgerson.

I'd heard many-a-thing about this chappy before but had never encountered him and so when the activist group I'm part of told me that we were meeting with him to chat business over tea and biccies I decided to go along.

He was a rather stout looking fellow with beady little eyes and puffy cheeks, he actually reminded me a little too much of a guinea pig which ended up distracting my thoughts the entire way through the discussion (you know thoughts about a secret rodent race working through local political systems in a bid to take over the world blah blah blah....dagnabbit!).

Anyway as per usual I shied away from the talking but listened intently and nodded my head from time to time which by the way I'm not sure how long I can just keep doing.

It was interesting watching his face as he was asked rather complicated questions but he presented him self well and really empathized with the cause.

All in all he seemed like a lovely chap and really was a fine candidate as my first ever meeting with a politician; he even said cheerio to me when I left at the end... I think I freakin love you Dan Rodgerson!

EXPERIENCE #49: MADE A MICROWAVEABLE CAKE

So this could very well be one of the nastiest and dirtiest things that I have ever been asked to make in a kitchen.

Don't get me wrong I love to bake but to merge a classic sponge pudding recipe with the unyielding powers of modern microwaving technology just seems down right immoral to me.

I struggle with technology at the best of times (unless it involves browsing pornography or writing on here) and so when at nursery today I was handed the recipe sheet for microwaveable sponges I nearly wretched in anger, fear and disgust.

Nonetheless I set my personal views on the whole thing aside and made five microwavable puddings. In the end they came out looking like foetus mixed with burnt jam and river pollution...in other words bloody disgusting.

I've always been a firm believer in the idea that nothing cake based should ever take a mere four minutes and thirty seconds to bake even if it is microwaved and today I think I proved that point; the whole affair is simply not natural.

I can quite happily say that never again will I make sponges in a microwave, say what you will but I'm an oven lover at heart and always will be.

EXPERIENCE #48: BEING COOKED BREAKFAST FOR THE FIRST TIME

Obviously this excludes all the times during my childhood that my mother cooked me up fried breakfasts, I'm talking about some one getting up and cooking me breakfast because they wanted to.

It's probably due to the fact that I'm a kitchen hog (and a damn good one) and usually beat everyone else to making breakfast.

This morning though I was woken with the question "poached or scrambled" which in many ways is probably the best way to be roused ever....well perhaps second best

Sam whipped me up the best poached eggs on toast ever which I was able to enjoy after taking my time to get dressed and prepare myself for the day.

It only dawned on me this evening though that this new experience had occurred and although it may not seem that big to many it still makes me feel warm and good inside.

Thanks Sam x

EXPERIENCE #47: BECOMING A STALKER FOR 28 MINTUES

So my sister and her lovely girlfriend brought me back a little mini camera from their recent escapade to the U.S.

Today Sam and I harnessed the true and awesomely great powers of this discreet little gizmo by stalking a lady and taking one photograph of her every minute until the reel of film was up.

The camera has a special setting that allows you to take double the amount of shots by halving the size of the photographs, this means that in total I could have snapped the old dear we stalked a total of 72 times.

Anyway, the lady we chose was one of those mutton passing as lamb types you know the ones, totally past their sell by date but still bleaching, tanning, waxing and dressing like twelve year old's?

So we followed her from shop to shop and looked like total bloody dorks, the shops tended to be tiny and so it was pretty apparent as to what we were doing.

Nonetheless we continued with the challenge until we got to 28 minutes when it all fell to pieces. Our subject left the store and must have made a run for it or something because we couldn't find her anywhere.

We sort of concluded that we must have freaked her out a bit too much and that she had hidden or something. I suppose it would have been better if it had been a more inconspicuous affair and that the lady hadn't immediately realized, it was a rush though and a bit of a chuckle.

I hope that the woman I chose isn't too damaged from this one and that she still feels safe clip-clopping around the streets of Newquay.

This experience is dedicated to Dani and Nina, thanks for such an awesome freakin present! x

Pictures to come for this one...

EXPERIENCE #46: TEACHING SOMEONE ELSE ONE OF MY NEWLY AQUIRED EXPERIENCES

I know in many ways this probably doesn't count but its been a quiet day.

Today I taught my brother Jay to wolf whistle which I personally feel is a great skill to have and share with others.

I have been trying to teach a whole host of fellow chums and family members how to do it since I learned wayyyyyy back on experience number four but haven't been successful until today.

We spent the day using our wolf whistling abilities together beckoning to our brothers in unison and intimidating our mother (happy mothers day by the way mum).

You may think this one is lame bro but every time you use this new power of yours I know secretly inside you'll be thanking my deeply and fully.

You get this dedication too. x

EXPERIENCE #45: TRYING COCKLES

So officially I'm a vegetarian although I'm strong believer in trying new things (hence this entire blog) and so if someone shoves a dead thing under my nose that I have never tasted before I will always have at least a nibble.

Today I was confronted by a big old pot of steaming cockles and so I scooped one out and swallowed it down.

I'd never had cockles before and to be honest it wasn't even that exhilarating. I guess shellfish is ultimately just shellfish and it all tends to taste the same.

Nonetheless it's another dead thing to tick off the list and a new experience for the day.

EXPERIENCE #44: GETTING MY MUM TO BUNK OFF WORK AND COME TO THE PUB WITH ME

My mum is probably bestest but busiest mum that I have ever come across. To be fair I really do think that her brain would quite probably implode if she ever stopped moving but sometimes I do yearn for a little mother and son time with her.

I think our last official outing must have been my first year of university and so we were most definitely overdue some QT.*

Anyway we went together to a funeral today just the two of us which yes was a little bleak but it was also the perfect opportunity to lure her into a nearby pub afterward for a tipple or two.

She took some persuading at first as she was technically meant to trot off back to work straight after the funeral. I convinced her that she would most definitely be a blubbering mess (which she was) and that the last thing she would want to do this afternoon is go back to work. I also whipped the "if you love me you will do it" line out on her and she finally caved on me.

So we went to the pub had some drinks and some din dins, I even convinced my mum who is on some new health food regime (you're welcome for the plug by the way) to peck at some of my cheesy garlic bread and have a swig of my ale.

We had a really lovely afternoon chortling at rude and naughty stories and other anecdotes that I probably shouldn't even being discussing with my mother. I learned some new things about her and it was really nice to get her to myself.

Thanks mum, love you x

*We do hang out a lot by the way just never the two of us, just so you know

EXPERIENCE #43: PUTTING DOWN MY DEPOSIT FOR MY FIRST WHALE BASED ADVENTURE

Last Christmas after coming to terms with the fact that I was now living with my mother again, extremely poor and unemployed at probably the worst time of the year, on a whim I applied to join a research group in Sierra Leone collecting data on calving and breeding humpback whales.

Surprisingly I was accepted and my name was penciled in for the August to September slot. However the charity asked for a £100 deposit for my place which at the time I had no way whatsoever of paying.

Now that I'm bringing home the bacon it's a completely different story though and so today I sent my deposit off and secured my place!

EXPERIENCE #42: PIECING TOGETHER MY OWN PANORAMIC PHOTOGRAPH

I took these photographs in France the summer just gone. I took them from the entrance of my tent after camping out one evening.

The mountain range is one that I saw all day everyday for the three months that I was there. It was a pretty spectacular sight to wake up to and fall asleep looking at. I trekked up it a whole bunch of times and saw some of the greatest views I've ever seen before from the top.

Anyway, I had always wanted to try out one of these photographic presentations and so as a sort keepsake for when I got home I tried by best snap the entire view from that morning.

Not really being the type to dabble in digital all the photographs were in film and I had to get them processed and developed at the chemist.

Over the following few weeks I acquired a scanner and dragged my computer all the way down from Bristol on the train to my home in Cornwall so that I could start work on this project.

However I had no idea how to get the bloody scanner to work, it kept blurting out Dutsch at me and so I tucked it away and went on Facebook instead.

Today I had an unexpected evening off and so decided enough was enough and that I was going to get it working.

Four hours later and I finally conquered the blasted thing, it whirred into action and I was able to get going with my first ever panoramic photo thingy.

EXPERIENCE #41: MEETING WHAT I BELIEVE COULD BE AN INFANTILE SUPERHERO

Today at the nursery one of the carers brought a little boy into the kitchen, he'd had a nasty tumble and there was a big old bump/gash on his forehead.

Strangely though the kid wasn't crying and in an effort to seem wise and worldly I said, "ooh it's when they don't cry that you need to start fretting." So she turns round to me whilst continuing to fumble around for a cold compress in my just tidied fridge and tells me that he has never cried, that he doesn't and that he can't.

Apparently this poor little chap is having lots of tests to figure out whats wrong with him and it shocked me, shocked me to the core.

I was telling the chef about it this evening in the restaurant and we came to the conclusion that perhaps he couldn't feel pain because he was a blossoming super hero. What with everything they put in the water these days this is perfectly logical explanation, plus this kid has a particularly widely set face (seriously his eyes are practically on the sides of his head) which I've heard indicates mutated gene patterns of some sort?

Regardless of whether or not he is bearing superhuman qualities it's not everyday you meet someone that can't cry. I hope that he is does turn out to be a hero and that maybe he would consider me as a sidekick or caterer perhaps.

EXPERIENCE #40: GETTING MY MITTS ON SOME LONG JOHNS

So yes I have finally acquired some long sought after thermal underwear. Why you ask? Well everyone knows that all Norwegians wear thermals (it's sort of a rule) and I've literally wanted a pair since I saw Elliot wearing them in E.T.

I have had to put in place strict rules following this experience considering I'm meant to be keeping well away from anything that falls under the category of underwear until Easter. I'm only wearing them around the house and to bed though so I don't break the underwear ban.

When I do wear them my pleasure intake levels rise considerably, they are such a joy! I particularly like how revealing they are on my man parts and they even have a front pouch that I'm finding very useful for storing my phone in.

I can see these are going to be with me for a long time to come.

EXPERIENCE #39: HARNESSING THE POWER OF OLD EXPERIENCES TO ACQUIRE A NEW ONE

So this experience is a little bit of a strange one but then again it's been a bit of a strange evening.

I woke up in the mopiest of moods not really wanting to do anything but then wanting to do everything at the same time; a new experience was last on my list of things for today.

So I get to work at three still experienceless and whilst "busying" myself on the office computer get this horoscope through.

It tells me to be "receptive to the idea that something doesn't have to be new to be fascinating" which I initially interpreted as perhaps suggesting I should either try and re-experience something or try and rediscover an old experience...something like that.

Anyway, at work recently I have been feeling a little out of my depth and like I'm really not what they had expected me to be like at all. I'm one of those people that if they have a downer on something they turn into one of those total retards who messes everything up even more.

Tonight however for the very first time out of nowhere came this surge of belief from within that I knew what I was doing and that I was quite capable of doing it.

I realized that I had experienced far more stressful shifts than the ones at the hotel and done a far better job and so I pulled my socks up and got to it!

Not one thing went wrong for me and my employers were dead impressed. At the end of the night they told me that I had proven myself and handed me a key to the front door.

So although this technically is a new experience in a way its more to do with harnessing the power of old experiences to achieve new ones if you see what I mean?

I know people will probably say it doesn't count and that its not new blah blah blah guff shut up, I think it does. This whole thing is about bettering myself through experience and that's exactly what I have done here so there.

EXPERIENCE #38: CELEBRATING ST PIRANS DAY

So I am officially 100% Cornish but have never celebrated the annual day of our patron saint, St Piran.

Today being St Pirans day I had a real feeling inside this morning that this should be my new experience and that I should try and celebrate all things Cornish to the best of my ability.

So I woke up, pinned my Cornwall badge to my jumper, posted a cheery 'Lowen Dydh sen Pyran!' (happy St Pirans day!) to everyone on facebook and then headed off to work.

At the nursery I baked Cornish pasties (well actually a Cornish pasty pie, which thinking about it is technically a normal pie just er made with the love of a Cornishman...it counts alright!?!) and wished everyone a happy St Pirans day. They had the Kernow flag up and were wearing gold and black which I thought was a lovely touch.

After work I strolled into town on what could have been one of the most beautiful days ever and actually took in the splendor of my little town. 

I bought a big old cheese and onion pasty and then hopped on the Western Greyhound (totally Cornish) and headed to my next job. My pasty bloody honked out the bus and made everything smell like sweaty cheese and strong greasy onions; it was marvelous!

Ive now finished work and got home to join my mum on the sofa in some quality viewing of Doc Martin (again totally Cornish, or at least Clunes tries to be).

I feel as if my Cornishness as been fully replenished and that I'm good for another year now.

The experience is for you Mr Piran thanks for bringing tin mining, good local ales and clotted cream to our green pastures, love you babes x

EXPERIENCE #37: WRITING A LETTER TO MY ULTIMATE HERO, REX WEYLER

For those of you that are unaware of who Rex Weyler is, he is one of the founding members of Greenpeace and pretty much my biggest idol.

He's also a lovely writer and has written a few books that retell the early adventures of his activist chums and the original Greenpeace group. They're all pretty dated now but they have that great engaging quality that stories grandparents tell you have, like theyre from a time that you can't even comprehend?

Anyway I'm in the middle of reading one of his books 'The Whale Song' which is all about a marine biologist blokey called Paul Spong and his conquests into freeing captive orcas and highlighting the fact that whales are about a million times cooler than humans.

So whilst having a read yesterday I got to thinking about how damn great this Rex Weyler fellow is and how I should most definitely write to him and tell him so.

So I did, it wasn't a brown nosing "oh Rexy your so super cool will you please sign my chest" sort of letter, just a short one to let him know that I think he's a particularly great human being and that I'm glad he was born.

I'm in the process of figuring out where to send this letter do but I will when I find his address and hopefully I will get some sort of response and even if I don't at least he knows I'm a fan

EXPERIENCE #36: PROUDLY PURCHASING SEXUAL PRODUCTS FROM THE CHEMIST

I'm not going to go into any graphic details considering my mother now reads my blog but yes today I went to the chemist and after a having a browse I coolly took what I wanted to counter and bought it.

Don't get me wrong I've had to buy sexy stuff before just I've always added it to an allready full shopping trolley or got it from those dirty (and extremely overpriced I might add) vending machines in club toilets.

But yesterday I really didn't give a flying wotsit, I was a paying customer and didn't think that it really mattered what I was buying.

I must admit I did start to freak a bit when it wouldn't scan through the bleepy machine and the way that the cashier was trying so hard to make it seem like I was buying something really normal made me snigger quite a bit.

All in all this one was quite an empowering new experience, but still Sam if your reading this you're definitely buying it next time pal.

EXPERIENCE #35: EATING A SAUTEED RADISH

Wow, yeh probably the most boring experience ever but nonetheless it's still a new one.

So I ate a cooked radish for the first time and it tasted like ass.

It did teach me something though, that I have become extremely eager to try anything new so much so that I have begun to ask for things that I probably wouldn't have asked for before and do things that I wouldn't have bothered to do before either.

I know it's just a bloody cooked vegetable but it's symbolizes the point that I have reached with all these experiences. I feel fresh and excited that I'm doing things I've never done before which is a really lovely feeling to experience.

I guess I just want to say thanks for the support from everyone and thanks to the radish for making this clear to me.

This one is dedicated to you my little red friend, I'm sorry I had to eat you.

EXPERIENCE #34: BEING THE CAUSE OF A MASS BABY EVACUATION

Whilst cooking pasta bakes for a nice and busy nursery school today I somehow set the fire alarms off.

I had been briefed on what to do in the event of a fire alarm and so followed procedures accordingly; I grabbed two babies tucked one underneath each arm and bolted for the car park.

Secretly I have been waiting for the day that this happened and this is actually on my experience wish  list (yes I have one).

I didn't do it on purpose or anything but I'm glad that I got the see the mayhem that unfurls when a fire alarm goes off in a nursery school.

The two babies that I had wedged under each pit really didn't seem too amused by the whole ordeal and I had to hand them over to someone more familiar once we got outside.

I apologized to everyone once the registers had been checked and we all went back in for some what was by then over cooked pasta bake.

Fuck I love my job!

EXPERIENCE #33: BECOMING A SURROGATE FATHER TO A BIG BUCKET OF FROG SPAWN

I remember in my first year of school my class had a tank of tadpoles that we watched slowly turn into the frogs.

For the past few years at the start of spring I've always tried to find a clutch of frog spawn for myself so that I could recreate this fond childhood memory of mine, I have never had any luck though.

Last Thursday though someone posted a message on my local freecycle site - by the way definitely worth signing up to if you want cool shit for free - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Wadebridge_Freecycle - and explained that they had a pond brimming with spawn and they were looking to offload some.

So Sam and I agreed that together we would father a bucketful of spawn and nurture them until they turned into frogs.

Today the adoption became official when I picked up the kids from the nice lady giving them away. Sam's sorting out the tank and I'm going to collect some algae for the little blighters to nibble on.

My little twin brothers are going to help look after them and I think even start up their own blog page to keep everyone posted on how they are growing.

For that reason I am going to dedicate this experience to them, good luck chaps x

Can you believe it eh in a few days time were going to become cross species parents!