Cover Letter to Environmental Graffiti Ltd
Dear Sir/ Madam,
My name is Dan Yeo, I am twenty three years old with a joint honors degree in journalism and media studies.
I firstly want to highlight the fact that although I am lacking journalistic experience in the sense that I have spent very little time in the news room, I consider myself to be a capable journalist with my own personal style to writing.
I have this very day finished a one hundred day project that required me to experience one new thing each day for a hundred days and then report back about it on my blog site; in fact sending you this CV is my very last new experience!
I began the blog with a total lack of confidence in my capabilities as a writer, but have slowly come to realize that not only is it something I have come to enjoy more and more with each post but I seem to be improving.
My grammar may be a little off at times and some of the posts could have a bit more meat to them, however, I'm proud of everything I've written on it and for that reason would like to submit it to you as an example of my work in the hope that you may consider me for a position as a blogger on your website.
I have a massive place in my heart for environmental issues and have been involved with various NGO's that act against threats to the planet and it's animal inhabitants.
I have contacts with Greenpeace members on varying levels of authority as well as an upcoming research trip with the Atlantic Whale Foundation to collect data on humpback whales.
I am involved with local campaigns groups helping to work towards transforming our town in a transitional one and am also a member of a 'grow it yourself' communal allotment.
I have alot to talk about and a real enthusiasm to do so.
Thankyou for taking the time to read this, please find my CV right under this (what was meant to be short) cover letter.
Yours sincerely,
Dan Yeo
Thursday 13 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #99: CONSULTING THE I CHING BOOK OF CHANGES ON WHAT TO DO NEXT WITH MY WRITING
I first heard about I Ching interpretations when reading Rex Weyler's account on the coming together of Greenpeace.
They would use I Ching coins and hexagrams to consult an eastern oracle on troubling or confusing matters.
Each hexagram has a reading to go with it, so once a question is asked and the hexagrams have been selected, an answer will be acquired or get a shove in the right direction at least.
Although I'm neither terribly spiritual or religious, I do get a kick out of taking advice from something that seems rather high and mighty, you know, like the weekly Take a Break horoscopes, that sort of thing.
Whether I take it or not is a different matter but in my eyes if I Ching is good enough for the Greenpeace boys then it's good enough for little ol' me.
Ahem, problem is I don't actually own an I Ching kit (talk about falling at the first hurdle).
What I do have though is the Internet and also a well worn in Amazon account.
As you read this I have my very own I Ching set on its way to me, but whilst I'm waiting I decided to do an online reading to achieve some up to date, high speed clarity about one thing in particular.
I decided to ask the oracle 'what's next with my writing?'.
See my problem is that before I started this blog I totally lacked the confidence to show anyone anything I'd written (itsy bit of a problem when your trying to get work published to the masses).
The thing is, set aside the horrendous grammatical errors that are splayed over each post I make, I actually like showing my writing off now.
So problem solved right?
Wrong, the only other real issue I have is that the idea of writing for a local paper about cake stalls and gnome burglars (well, maybe not the gnome burglars that actually sounds rather riveting) makes me want to dry wretch and perhaps even bring up a little bile in my mouth.
I want to write about the things that I have a passion for, I don't want to have to start out by making cups of tea for jumped up journalistic big wigs and covering car boot sales and baby beauty competitions, it just seems like a big waste.
So, what the oracle have to tell me about the future, actually some really quite interesting things.
My first hexagram was 'Hexagram 2, Earth'
‘Earth.
From the source, creating success.
The constancy of a mare bears fruit.
A noble one has a direction to go.
At first, confusion. Later, gains a master.
Fruitful in the southwest, gaining partners.
In the northeast, losing partners.
Peaceful constancy brings good fortune.’
Right, so now I'm just going to take a whole heap of snippets from the reading and interpret them in my own way.
'Creation unfolds from the original vital energy, creating success with an ongoing exchange between spirit and daily work, flowing through to fruition'
'And so at first there is confusion: you set out like a pioneer, open to all the possibilities, and find them as many as scattered rice-grains.'
'You gain someone or something to be loyal to, where you can find fulfilment in service. Once you have this guiding principle (which may or may not be a person), you begin to follow signs as fluently as the mare.'
'There is a balance to be found between joining with like-minded people and following your own calling alone – but gaining allies comes first. Perhaps your individual sense of purpose emerges more strongly when you’ve learned to work responsively with others, like the mare running with the herd.'
The way I read this tells me that there are so many pies that I want to stick my fingers in that the real purpose with my writing is vague and confused, which I agree with.
I can also see the emphasis for a need for guidance in order to being achieve my goals. Perhaps by working with others I'll be able to then follow my own true passions in writing, as it say's though 'gaining allies comes first'.
I suppose that by even working with others that are alike to myself I'm going to be furthering my individual loves and passions....deep.
My second one was 'Hexagram 16, Enthusiasm'
‘Enthusiasm in the dark.
Results bring a change of heart,
No mistake.’
Again, here a some snippets I've nabbed from the reading.
'The energetic charge of enthusiasm can be used to set great things in motion. It is good to use it to expand and enrich your experience by extending your network of communication and support, marshalling your resources ready for future challenges. And it is also good to use such structures to channel the motive power of enthusiasm, and keep it from running amok. It's brightly coloured images can be woven securely into the larger patterns and meanings of life.'
I think this one nicely nestles in next to the first hexagram which sort of finds a balance my fears and what is reality.
I think what it's telling me is that on the one hand I need to mix with other journalists, get a job with a publication of some sort even if its not exactly what I have in mind for the larger picture but on t'other hand always remain focused and enthusiastic for what I personally like to garble on about.
A lot to ponder on here, now where's my pipe?
They would use I Ching coins and hexagrams to consult an eastern oracle on troubling or confusing matters.
Each hexagram has a reading to go with it, so once a question is asked and the hexagrams have been selected, an answer will be acquired or get a shove in the right direction at least.
Although I'm neither terribly spiritual or religious, I do get a kick out of taking advice from something that seems rather high and mighty, you know, like the weekly Take a Break horoscopes, that sort of thing.
Whether I take it or not is a different matter but in my eyes if I Ching is good enough for the Greenpeace boys then it's good enough for little ol' me.
Ahem, problem is I don't actually own an I Ching kit (talk about falling at the first hurdle).
What I do have though is the Internet and also a well worn in Amazon account.
As you read this I have my very own I Ching set on its way to me, but whilst I'm waiting I decided to do an online reading to achieve some up to date, high speed clarity about one thing in particular.
I decided to ask the oracle 'what's next with my writing?'.
See my problem is that before I started this blog I totally lacked the confidence to show anyone anything I'd written (itsy bit of a problem when your trying to get work published to the masses).
The thing is, set aside the horrendous grammatical errors that are splayed over each post I make, I actually like showing my writing off now.
So problem solved right?
Wrong, the only other real issue I have is that the idea of writing for a local paper about cake stalls and gnome burglars (well, maybe not the gnome burglars that actually sounds rather riveting) makes me want to dry wretch and perhaps even bring up a little bile in my mouth.
I want to write about the things that I have a passion for, I don't want to have to start out by making cups of tea for jumped up journalistic big wigs and covering car boot sales and baby beauty competitions, it just seems like a big waste.
So, what the oracle have to tell me about the future, actually some really quite interesting things.
My first hexagram was 'Hexagram 2, Earth'
‘Earth.
From the source, creating success.
The constancy of a mare bears fruit.
A noble one has a direction to go.
At first, confusion. Later, gains a master.
Fruitful in the southwest, gaining partners.
In the northeast, losing partners.
Peaceful constancy brings good fortune.’
Right, so now I'm just going to take a whole heap of snippets from the reading and interpret them in my own way.
'Creation unfolds from the original vital energy, creating success with an ongoing exchange between spirit and daily work, flowing through to fruition'
'And so at first there is confusion: you set out like a pioneer, open to all the possibilities, and find them as many as scattered rice-grains.'
'You gain someone or something to be loyal to, where you can find fulfilment in service. Once you have this guiding principle (which may or may not be a person), you begin to follow signs as fluently as the mare.'
'There is a balance to be found between joining with like-minded people and following your own calling alone – but gaining allies comes first. Perhaps your individual sense of purpose emerges more strongly when you’ve learned to work responsively with others, like the mare running with the herd.'
The way I read this tells me that there are so many pies that I want to stick my fingers in that the real purpose with my writing is vague and confused, which I agree with.
I can also see the emphasis for a need for guidance in order to being achieve my goals. Perhaps by working with others I'll be able to then follow my own true passions in writing, as it say's though 'gaining allies comes first'.
I suppose that by even working with others that are alike to myself I'm going to be furthering my individual loves and passions....deep.
My second one was 'Hexagram 16, Enthusiasm'
‘Enthusiasm in the dark.
Results bring a change of heart,
No mistake.’
Again, here a some snippets I've nabbed from the reading.
'The energetic charge of enthusiasm can be used to set great things in motion. It is good to use it to expand and enrich your experience by extending your network of communication and support, marshalling your resources ready for future challenges. And it is also good to use such structures to channel the motive power of enthusiasm, and keep it from running amok. It's brightly coloured images can be woven securely into the larger patterns and meanings of life.'
I think this one nicely nestles in next to the first hexagram which sort of finds a balance my fears and what is reality.
I think what it's telling me is that on the one hand I need to mix with other journalists, get a job with a publication of some sort even if its not exactly what I have in mind for the larger picture but on t'other hand always remain focused and enthusiastic for what I personally like to garble on about.
A lot to ponder on here, now where's my pipe?
Wednesday 12 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #98: VISITING MY GRANDFATHERS GRAVE
Gosh, I really do need to start visiting places that don't involve the deceased en masse.
Um, my pappy died when I was two. This wasn't really enough time to really get to seal a real bond with the ol' guy and so it's one of those passing's that hasn't really had a huge place in my life.
What I do know is that he was a journalist so I suppose we have that in common, and also my mam seemed to like him which is saying a lot considering minus my brother and I, the Yeo clan aren't at the top of her special people pile (he's my dads dad you see).
Regardless of all this I considered it pretty poor that I'd never even visited his grave before or for that matter even been aware of where he was buried.
So I headed up to the graveyard I knew he was buried in and went from stone to stone looking for the name William Yeo.
At one point I found a Wilfred Yeo and thought I'd struck gold, however the death date didn't add up to what I'd been told and so I carried on skulking around the tombstones in search of my real granddad.
Pretty much the last bloody stone I looked at was his, so freaking typical of the Yeo's, good work team, not.
A little flustered I sat right next to his grave and just read my book and smoked my pipe (it was a definite pensive moment right then, sorry mum).
A little chunk of me felt like one of those runaway adopted kids who after some mild hysteria and weeping are always found by their new mummy and daddy asleep on the grave of their recently deceased nearest and dearest.
Another little chunk of me elsewhere did feel something special for being there though. My granddad was supposedly a good human being and so it would have been nice to have been properly introduced.
Although it's perhaps a little too late to do that, the letters on his plaque definitely need touching up (Jay can you help me with that?) and he's in real need of some sort of flower arrangement to spruce up the plot so at least I can do this eh?
Dedicated to a man I wish I'd met x
p.s Totally checked for orbs around his tomb!
Um, my pappy died when I was two. This wasn't really enough time to really get to seal a real bond with the ol' guy and so it's one of those passing's that hasn't really had a huge place in my life.
What I do know is that he was a journalist so I suppose we have that in common, and also my mam seemed to like him which is saying a lot considering minus my brother and I, the Yeo clan aren't at the top of her special people pile (he's my dads dad you see).
Regardless of all this I considered it pretty poor that I'd never even visited his grave before or for that matter even been aware of where he was buried.
So I headed up to the graveyard I knew he was buried in and went from stone to stone looking for the name William Yeo.
At one point I found a Wilfred Yeo and thought I'd struck gold, however the death date didn't add up to what I'd been told and so I carried on skulking around the tombstones in search of my real granddad.
Pretty much the last bloody stone I looked at was his, so freaking typical of the Yeo's, good work team, not.
A little flustered I sat right next to his grave and just read my book and smoked my pipe (it was a definite pensive moment right then, sorry mum).
A little chunk of me felt like one of those runaway adopted kids who after some mild hysteria and weeping are always found by their new mummy and daddy asleep on the grave of their recently deceased nearest and dearest.
Another little chunk of me elsewhere did feel something special for being there though. My granddad was supposedly a good human being and so it would have been nice to have been properly introduced.
Although it's perhaps a little too late to do that, the letters on his plaque definitely need touching up (Jay can you help me with that?) and he's in real need of some sort of flower arrangement to spruce up the plot so at least I can do this eh?
Dedicated to a man I wish I'd met x
p.s Totally checked for orbs around his tomb!
Tuesday 11 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #97: GOING ORB HUNTING
For the past few days I have been overtly aware of an overwhelming increase in the levels of paranormal activity in my life.
It began late Saturday night when Jack and I decided to take a midnight walk down to the graveyard. It was all blustery and billowy out and walking down the country lanes played a little on the nerves.
So when Jack blurts out that he's just seen some sort of glowing orb springing from spot to spot in the sky we both freaked badly.
Skip forward a few hours to when we have returned from the scariest walk ever and we decide to investigate this phenomena further through the power of the world wide web.
So much orb related information!
Oh, sorry for those of you that have far better things to do in your spare time than read over conspiracy theories and pictures of ghosts and aliens, let me explain to you what an orb is.
From what I've read it's something to do with the faintest of visual energies given off by something spiritual. Let me show you...
...so like these, just minus the fox (isn't he just smashing by the way?!)
The circular little thingymabobbies you can see are orbs and there are tonnes of photo's out there with tonnes of them in.
So, whilst on this paranormal high of mine I decided this evening to stop by the graveyard on the way home from work and do a little orb hunting for myself.
Tottering around tombstones in the dark alone is perhaps the worst possible scenario for me ever and so I felt way, way, way outside my comfort zone. I clicked on some happy music on my mp3 and prayed to Allah that I wouldn't see any spirits lurching toward me between flashes from the camera.
Don't worry nothing bad happened but the whole thing did make my heart thud doubly hard. The photographs are still awaiting a detailed analysis from myself but at first glance I do believe I may have failed to bag even one.
For those that fancy partaking in their own orb related hunts I've added a nifty video to help you get started.
It began late Saturday night when Jack and I decided to take a midnight walk down to the graveyard. It was all blustery and billowy out and walking down the country lanes played a little on the nerves.
So when Jack blurts out that he's just seen some sort of glowing orb springing from spot to spot in the sky we both freaked badly.
Skip forward a few hours to when we have returned from the scariest walk ever and we decide to investigate this phenomena further through the power of the world wide web.
So much orb related information!
Oh, sorry for those of you that have far better things to do in your spare time than read over conspiracy theories and pictures of ghosts and aliens, let me explain to you what an orb is.
From what I've read it's something to do with the faintest of visual energies given off by something spiritual. Let me show you...
...so like these, just minus the fox (isn't he just smashing by the way?!)
The circular little thingymabobbies you can see are orbs and there are tonnes of photo's out there with tonnes of them in.
So, whilst on this paranormal high of mine I decided this evening to stop by the graveyard on the way home from work and do a little orb hunting for myself.
Tottering around tombstones in the dark alone is perhaps the worst possible scenario for me ever and so I felt way, way, way outside my comfort zone. I clicked on some happy music on my mp3 and prayed to Allah that I wouldn't see any spirits lurching toward me between flashes from the camera.
Don't worry nothing bad happened but the whole thing did make my heart thud doubly hard. The photographs are still awaiting a detailed analysis from myself but at first glance I do believe I may have failed to bag even one.
For those that fancy partaking in their own orb related hunts I've added a nifty video to help you get started.
Monday 10 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #96: COOKING UP SOME EGGS THAT DIDN'T COME OUT OF A CHICKEN
My preferred poultry type was actually a little quail or something else that lays little diddy eggs mainly because I love items that make me feel like a giant, its cool alright?!.
Today though opportunity struck again when I least was expecting it and I was offered access to a clutch of duck eggs.
I took advantage of the offer and chose to fry them.
The first observation I took note of was the largeness of the yolk which got my two thumbs right up, no surprise really considering how much I actually love runny yolk.
The second thing that I noticed was the richness in taste, this was apparently due to the fact that a happy duck laid the egg, this made me tilt my head and smile.
I'm actually quite sure that the richness had some sort of drug inducing effect on me as after eating the fried egg sandwich I got all galumpy and drowzy.
I want to thank the happy duck and its owner for providing me with such top quality eggs, ducks rule.
EXPERIENCE #95: HAVING A TASTE OF BLUE CHEESE ICE CREAM
Being a rather fancy establishment, the restaurant I work in is the sort that can get away with jumbling up sweets and savouries in such a delightfully delectable style that the yahs just lap it up, at five quid per chew in fact, silly sods.
Today though was different, blue cheese ice cream for whatever reason immediately made my brain holler "Yes". I suppose it's probably my complete and utter (or udder bahahaha, ahem) adoration for all things dairy based.
In fact merging two seperate dairy foods gets a doubly big tick for me so a big ol' spoonful of whiffy cheese ice cream is my perfect type of pudding.
It didn't disappoint either, it was creamy yet potent which is just how I like it. Who knew such a absurd mixture would go down so totally well?
Today though was different, blue cheese ice cream for whatever reason immediately made my brain holler "Yes". I suppose it's probably my complete and utter (or udder bahahaha, ahem) adoration for all things dairy based.
In fact merging two seperate dairy foods gets a doubly big tick for me so a big ol' spoonful of whiffy cheese ice cream is my perfect type of pudding.
It didn't disappoint either, it was creamy yet potent which is just how I like it. Who knew such a absurd mixture would go down so totally well?
EXPERIENCE #94: STARTING WORK ON "PROJECT PARCHED"
As you can see I'm six days away from finishing up and tidying away my one hundred days project.
Although this blog is strenuous to write on the best of days, I've enjoyed it immensely and going to miss writing all my guff and garbage on here everyday.
However the show must go on as everyone seems to keep saying so I've decided to make a start on preparations for my next blog which I've codenamed "Project Parched"(look at me codenaming things, aren't I cool!?!).
I won't bore you with the details of what the whole thing is about just yet but today I needed to find a rough guesstimate of how much water I use in a day.
This basically entailed me jotting down every flush, splash, sprinkle and plop that related back to my own personal needs and requirements.
The results were rather shocking actually.
Dan in a day = 114 litres
What a tremendous amount of H2O to go through don't you think?
Although it was a pain to write down every time I went for a piddle or had a cuppa tea I would really recommend that others do this too for just one day.
It sort of puts things in perspective when you consider that some folk get by each day on the same amount of water it takes to flush the loo just once... mad I know.
Although this blog is strenuous to write on the best of days, I've enjoyed it immensely and going to miss writing all my guff and garbage on here everyday.
However the show must go on as everyone seems to keep saying so I've decided to make a start on preparations for my next blog which I've codenamed "Project Parched"(look at me codenaming things, aren't I cool!?!).
I won't bore you with the details of what the whole thing is about just yet but today I needed to find a rough guesstimate of how much water I use in a day.
This basically entailed me jotting down every flush, splash, sprinkle and plop that related back to my own personal needs and requirements.
The results were rather shocking actually.
Dan in a day = 114 litres
What a tremendous amount of H2O to go through don't you think?
Although it was a pain to write down every time I went for a piddle or had a cuppa tea I would really recommend that others do this too for just one day.
It sort of puts things in perspective when you consider that some folk get by each day on the same amount of water it takes to flush the loo just once... mad I know.
Sunday 9 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #93: VERY NEARLY VOTING AT THE VOTING STATION
Well I might as well tell you now, I was going to vote for the Green Party today.
I cycled down to my voting station posed as my brother (my registration was rejected and so used my brothers vote instead) and joined the very orderly cue waiting to vote.
I was set on the Green Party vote, I'd practiced my ticks, I'd engaged in a few heated debates concerning my choice and I felt pumped and ready to make that commitment.
My turn comes round to hop in the little booth and so I enter, unfold my slip of choices and BAM, am confronted with the crushing realization that there's no green party option.
I was going to go and point it out the the people behind the desk but a few worries started to whur around my mind concerning the fact that perhaps they go by another name in these parts or maybe they've not got through for some reason.
Consequently I'm left to dawdle in the booth for a good five minutes whilst I milled over my options.
I figured I could vote for another party that I know very little about or I could as I see it make a true stand and place a vote for none of the candidates.
I went for the latter option, posted my blank slip and strode out of there feeling as if I had made a true statement.
Considering that wassock Cameron is probably going to be head honcho from now on I'm sort of thinking that perhaps I should have gone for option number one but right in the midst of it all I felt as if my decision had been the correct one.
Dedicated to Aron the biggest Tory dork out there. x
I cycled down to my voting station posed as my brother (my registration was rejected and so used my brothers vote instead) and joined the very orderly cue waiting to vote.
I was set on the Green Party vote, I'd practiced my ticks, I'd engaged in a few heated debates concerning my choice and I felt pumped and ready to make that commitment.
My turn comes round to hop in the little booth and so I enter, unfold my slip of choices and BAM, am confronted with the crushing realization that there's no green party option.
I was going to go and point it out the the people behind the desk but a few worries started to whur around my mind concerning the fact that perhaps they go by another name in these parts or maybe they've not got through for some reason.
Consequently I'm left to dawdle in the booth for a good five minutes whilst I milled over my options.
I figured I could vote for another party that I know very little about or I could as I see it make a true stand and place a vote for none of the candidates.
I went for the latter option, posted my blank slip and strode out of there feeling as if I had made a true statement.
Considering that wassock Cameron is probably going to be head honcho from now on I'm sort of thinking that perhaps I should have gone for option number one but right in the midst of it all I felt as if my decision had been the correct one.
Dedicated to Aron the biggest Tory dork out there. x
EXPERIENCE #92: BECOMING A REAL MAN WITH THE PURCHASE OF A GENTLEMANS TOBACCO PIPE
Yessiree, today I ticked off one of my longest lasting must do's, I went and got myself a pipe.
For the past two years running I have vowed on New Years Eve that my resolution is to take up smoking a pipe.
Lord knows why, perhaps it's to do with the whole bad boy image I am having to constantly uphold and improve upon or maybe it's because I'm half way through the Sherlock Holmes saga's and I think he's super cool / I'd do anything to replicate his entire being in any way, shape or form possible (and breathe Dan, goooood).
I have had my eye on one particular pipe in one particular shop for a few weeks now. Today I strolled right on up to the counter, rapped my knuckles on the glass top and asked the good sir behind it to fetch the one I'd been oggling at, post haste mind you.
So I proudly left the store pipe in hand and with my chin up I trundled on home.
I quite honestly feel like a child with a pornographic magazine or something, the pipe is something that I'm hiding from my mum and brag about to my mates.
Has it proven to be a good smoking utensil I hear you ask, well I haven't used it as of yet as I'm waiting the most perfect of opportunities to do so.
I have however decided that I suit the pensive pipe smoker type so will put it to use in times of deep concentration as well as debates and the births of each and every one of my children, quite.
Toodles for now x
For the past two years running I have vowed on New Years Eve that my resolution is to take up smoking a pipe.
Lord knows why, perhaps it's to do with the whole bad boy image I am having to constantly uphold and improve upon or maybe it's because I'm half way through the Sherlock Holmes saga's and I think he's super cool / I'd do anything to replicate his entire being in any way, shape or form possible (and breathe Dan, goooood).
I have had my eye on one particular pipe in one particular shop for a few weeks now. Today I strolled right on up to the counter, rapped my knuckles on the glass top and asked the good sir behind it to fetch the one I'd been oggling at, post haste mind you.
So I proudly left the store pipe in hand and with my chin up I trundled on home.
I quite honestly feel like a child with a pornographic magazine or something, the pipe is something that I'm hiding from my mum and brag about to my mates.
Has it proven to be a good smoking utensil I hear you ask, well I haven't used it as of yet as I'm waiting the most perfect of opportunities to do so.
I have however decided that I suit the pensive pipe smoker type so will put it to use in times of deep concentration as well as debates and the births of each and every one of my children, quite.
Toodles for now x
EXPERIENCE #91: PUTTING TOGETHER MY OWN PIN HOLE CAMERA
Consequently I have been left with a big pinhole shaped, er, hole in my heart ever since mainly because I greatly enjoy both cameras and making cheap bodge job replicas of things that I am simply too poor to buy.
So whilst having a little wonder around the internet I stumbled upon the creative going on's of a clever chap who goes by the name of Marc Rochkind. He made his own version of a pinhole camera that varied slightly from other models I had seen.
He had blacked out a simple cylindrical tube that had a diameter of roughly twenty centimeters, pierced the metal base to create the pinhole and then popped a piece of photographic paper (cut to a circular shape) in the lid end.
What he created was a magical little circular projection of his humble abode.
I'm not entirely sure how copywriting issues are dealt with within blogging circles but I'm simply putting the photo up here to show its greatness to all, I mean no harm brother ... p.s kudos to infinite for this little gem, I mean it.
I've added lighting bolt speed stripes either side to give it the aerodynamic quality that I strive for in all my DIY projects, I hope you don't mind Rochkind (can I call you by your surname? Sweet).
One of my contacts is hooking me up with a few sheets of photographic paper and soon enough I should have my own little circular keepsake of joy, huzzah!
Wednesday 5 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #90: PLANTING MY OWN BED OF CANIVOUROUS PLANTS
Yes, in a mere eight weeks time I should the first signs of my own little version of the shop of horrors, brilliant.
Me and my little brother Isaac created swamp like conditions with peat, water and 'swamp rocks' and then simply scattered the seeds all over the top.
Next thing we had to do was put it in the fridge where it has to stay for eight weeks now to go through a process called stratification, STRAT - IF - FA - CAY - SHOON yes.
The problem is that because of the tub it's in and the color and texture of the peat soil mixture it highly resembles one of those Sarah Lee chocolate gateaus, you know, the ones that poor people and pregnant women always eat?
I'm not pregnant but I am a little bit poor so whenever I open the fridge I get real excited to see it in there only to then realize that it's actually just mud in a tub.
Anyway back to the experience, we went for the three classic meat eating plants: the Venus Fly Trap, the Cape Sundew Trap and another one I forget the name of.
It was gardening with a twist (I'd like to use the term extreme gardening here) and I hope they come out of stratification ready to eat some things and keep me entertained for endless hours.
Me and my little brother Isaac created swamp like conditions with peat, water and 'swamp rocks' and then simply scattered the seeds all over the top.
Next thing we had to do was put it in the fridge where it has to stay for eight weeks now to go through a process called stratification, STRAT - IF - FA - CAY - SHOON yes.
The problem is that because of the tub it's in and the color and texture of the peat soil mixture it highly resembles one of those Sarah Lee chocolate gateaus, you know, the ones that poor people and pregnant women always eat?
I'm not pregnant but I am a little bit poor so whenever I open the fridge I get real excited to see it in there only to then realize that it's actually just mud in a tub.
Anyway back to the experience, we went for the three classic meat eating plants: the Venus Fly Trap, the Cape Sundew Trap and another one I forget the name of.
It was gardening with a twist (I'd like to use the term extreme gardening here) and I hope they come out of stratification ready to eat some things and keep me entertained for endless hours.
EXPERIENCE #89: BECOMING THE SOLE PROPRIETOR OF A NUGGET OF HARDENED VOLCANO MAGMA
I'm always keen to take hold of new, shiny and rare objects just like some sort of human-like magpie creature thing.
I already own a chunk of land on the moon and now I can quite proudly say I posses a little bit of dried up volcano lava.
This mainly gets a mention due to the circumstances in which I received this little trinket of joyousness.
Mother et al flew away to New Zealand which is where they extracted the lava for me (gosh that makes it sound as if I'm some sort of Professor Xavier character who's gone and sent his comrades off to retract an ancient relic of some sort....I didn't but let's just pretend I did).
However another volcano back up our way prevented all planes from flying to and from the UK which in many way I found highly amusing.
I found it even more amusing when my poor mum literally fell through our front door two weeks later than her schedule had permitted only to unfurl her clasped clammy little paw and present this gift to me. The irony tickled me pink it did.
It's something that I don't think many can claim to possess (apart from you Jay, you have one too) and so in that way it counts as a new experience.
I already own a chunk of land on the moon and now I can quite proudly say I posses a little bit of dried up volcano lava.
This mainly gets a mention due to the circumstances in which I received this little trinket of joyousness.
Mother et al flew away to New Zealand which is where they extracted the lava for me (gosh that makes it sound as if I'm some sort of Professor Xavier character who's gone and sent his comrades off to retract an ancient relic of some sort....I didn't but let's just pretend I did).
However another volcano back up our way prevented all planes from flying to and from the UK which in many way I found highly amusing.
I found it even more amusing when my poor mum literally fell through our front door two weeks later than her schedule had permitted only to unfurl her clasped clammy little paw and present this gift to me. The irony tickled me pink it did.
It's something that I don't think many can claim to possess (apart from you Jay, you have one too) and so in that way it counts as a new experience.
Monday 3 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #88: GOING TO A SATURDAY NIGHT DRIVE IN MOVIE
I don't actually know one person out there that doesn't think that this would be a super cool experience to have.
My local town for whatever reason decided to pull their socks up and give the people what they actually wanted for a change and announced a weekend of drive in movies that everyone could attend.
Me and the gang changed into our denim and tees and drove the car down to watch the Saturday evening showing of Grease, classic!
As the sun went down the movie came on and the crowd absobloodylovedit!
Everyone was singing and honking along to the songs and other rather promiscuous lines from the film; gosh some people even just kept their hazard lights on for the length the film just show their enthrallment in the whole event.
Perhaps the only downside was that because it was so busy we were quite a distance from the screen which gave many of us eye ache, tut.
Anyhoo it was such a cool evening and I truly hope that they keep this going through the summer.
My local town for whatever reason decided to pull their socks up and give the people what they actually wanted for a change and announced a weekend of drive in movies that everyone could attend.
Me and the gang changed into our denim and tees and drove the car down to watch the Saturday evening showing of Grease, classic!
As the sun went down the movie came on and the crowd absobloodylovedit!
Everyone was singing and honking along to the songs and other rather promiscuous lines from the film; gosh some people even just kept their hazard lights on for the length the film just show their enthrallment in the whole event.
Perhaps the only downside was that because it was so busy we were quite a distance from the screen which gave many of us eye ache, tut.
Anyhoo it was such a cool evening and I truly hope that they keep this going through the summer.
EXPERIENCE #87: PAYING OFF MY CREDIT CARD AFTER FIVE WHOLE YEARS
Way back in my first year of uni, my brother and I spent the entire wad of mullah our dear ol' mum had given us to live off of during his stay on rounds of Lazer Quest down at the arcade.
Consequently we were poor and hungry and so I slunk down to the bank and picked up my very own credit card; that day we ate like gods.
In the years to come it saved me from various other slightly awful situations that I found myself in, for example the need for bail money to get me out of Thai prison and also preventing a few cold nights sleeping on the streets of Paris.
Needless to say for the most part its been pretty much maxed out and I've only really ever paid off the monthly interest.
Today though after a few months of toiling labor I achieved the unachievable and paid that bad boy off in full, good eh?
It is a very empowering feeling to get that burly bit of debt off my back and out of my brain, I think my bank must be a little relieved also.
I want to thank my credit card though for being with me through the toughest of times. Although I had no choice but to chop you up little man this dedication still goes out to you.
May your pieces rest in, um, peace(s)?
Consequently we were poor and hungry and so I slunk down to the bank and picked up my very own credit card; that day we ate like gods.
In the years to come it saved me from various other slightly awful situations that I found myself in, for example the need for bail money to get me out of Thai prison and also preventing a few cold nights sleeping on the streets of Paris.
Needless to say for the most part its been pretty much maxed out and I've only really ever paid off the monthly interest.
Today though after a few months of toiling labor I achieved the unachievable and paid that bad boy off in full, good eh?
It is a very empowering feeling to get that burly bit of debt off my back and out of my brain, I think my bank must be a little relieved also.
I want to thank my credit card though for being with me through the toughest of times. Although I had no choice but to chop you up little man this dedication still goes out to you.
May your pieces rest in, um, peace(s)?
EXPERIENCE #86: BUYING A £1,000 PLANE TICKET OUTTA HERE
I'd like to think that I am the sort of guy that likes to give new things a try (well duh).
When I'm stuck in one situation for a prolonged period (giggle) I get all tetchy and aggravated.
My solution for this is to turn off all brain transceivers that control my common sense receptors. I hand in my notice, book a plane ticket and commit to a brand spanking new experience before sensibleness comes back into play.
Basically its a quick fix for when I'm in one of my quarter life crisis moods.
The problem is that if I linger for too long the doubt begins to kick in as to whether it really is such a good idea, whether I can afford it and if I'm actually going to benefit from it in the slightest.
This had sort of happened whilst planning my latest escapade to the far off lands of Sierra Leone. I am obviously more than eager to go off and play with humpback whales for a month, it's just a plane ticket there costs a grand.
I've never paid one thousand buckaroos for anything in my entire life and to fork it over for my least popular form of transport ever made me feel quite nauseous.
The turning point though was after a drunken evening chatting to my brother Jack. I was rambling on about how if he really wanted to join a local archaeology society then he should bloody well do it (if there is one...hmm appears that there is).
To be honest I'm not sure if we were even talking about him joining such a society but regardless I interpreted his mumbled response as one of unsureness, lacking in confidence and doubt. That's why I kept on pushing because he was thinking too much about it all and this is when it dawned on me that what I was lecturing him about I really needed to apply to my own situation.
So bam, I got paid today and bought the ticket, done and the receptors haven't even kicked back in yet so it's all feeling rather lovely still.
And as for you Jack consider this dedication and link http://www.cornisharchaeology.org.uk/ free admission to a life of blissfulness and exciting ancient relics (plus dino bones).
Love you brother x
When I'm stuck in one situation for a prolonged period (giggle) I get all tetchy and aggravated.
My solution for this is to turn off all brain transceivers that control my common sense receptors. I hand in my notice, book a plane ticket and commit to a brand spanking new experience before sensibleness comes back into play.
Basically its a quick fix for when I'm in one of my quarter life crisis moods.
The problem is that if I linger for too long the doubt begins to kick in as to whether it really is such a good idea, whether I can afford it and if I'm actually going to benefit from it in the slightest.
This had sort of happened whilst planning my latest escapade to the far off lands of Sierra Leone. I am obviously more than eager to go off and play with humpback whales for a month, it's just a plane ticket there costs a grand.
I've never paid one thousand buckaroos for anything in my entire life and to fork it over for my least popular form of transport ever made me feel quite nauseous.
The turning point though was after a drunken evening chatting to my brother Jack. I was rambling on about how if he really wanted to join a local archaeology society then he should bloody well do it (if there is one...hmm appears that there is).
To be honest I'm not sure if we were even talking about him joining such a society but regardless I interpreted his mumbled response as one of unsureness, lacking in confidence and doubt. That's why I kept on pushing because he was thinking too much about it all and this is when it dawned on me that what I was lecturing him about I really needed to apply to my own situation.
So bam, I got paid today and bought the ticket, done and the receptors haven't even kicked back in yet so it's all feeling rather lovely still.
And as for you Jack consider this dedication and link http://www.cornisharchaeology.org.uk/ free admission to a life of blissfulness and exciting ancient relics (plus dino bones).
Love you brother x
EXPERIENCE #85: BEING DOUBLE BLUFFED TO WITHIN AN INCH OF MY LIFE
Being the king of jesting my friends are more than familiar with my tricksie ways.
So when I left a message on my pal Teri's voice mail service just letting her know that I was in North Hartfordshire Police Station and that I wouldn't be contactable for a few days I kind of figured that she's get that I was joking.
Nope, the sucker totally fell for it even though it was a total retake of a time in college when we convinced our mate Kes that we had been kidnapped, genius.
Two days later I call her up to let her know that the shit has hit the fan, that I have just left prison hospital after getting stitches up my arm and I'm on my way to a press conference and she is still believing it.
Erm I think it was at this point that I started feeling super bad and decided to end this whole charade.
Yeh, the bitch totally double bluffed me and began tugging at all sort of strings around the heart area. She piled on the guilt with family tragedies, uni complications and a total lackluster to be friends with me anymore.
At the same time my other friend Melissa is shitting on me just as badly with jibes of disappointment as well as convincing me that the head operations for the ethical cosmetic company she works for are going to support me through the trial.
To top it off I have the brother texting me to just let me know that Teri is in tears.
This is a new experience solely for the fact that I have never ever felt so very heartbroken in my entire life, I quite literally felt as if someone had scrunched my existence up and tossed it away.
The idea of losing such lovely friends made me want to wretch.
Luckily those tosspots were just bluffing but they definitely put me in my place.
You all get one dedication each for being the worst best friends a chap could ever ask for. x
So when I left a message on my pal Teri's voice mail service just letting her know that I was in North Hartfordshire Police Station and that I wouldn't be contactable for a few days I kind of figured that she's get that I was joking.
Nope, the sucker totally fell for it even though it was a total retake of a time in college when we convinced our mate Kes that we had been kidnapped, genius.
Two days later I call her up to let her know that the shit has hit the fan, that I have just left prison hospital after getting stitches up my arm and I'm on my way to a press conference and she is still believing it.
Erm I think it was at this point that I started feeling super bad and decided to end this whole charade.
Yeh, the bitch totally double bluffed me and began tugging at all sort of strings around the heart area. She piled on the guilt with family tragedies, uni complications and a total lackluster to be friends with me anymore.
At the same time my other friend Melissa is shitting on me just as badly with jibes of disappointment as well as convincing me that the head operations for the ethical cosmetic company she works for are going to support me through the trial.
To top it off I have the brother texting me to just let me know that Teri is in tears.
This is a new experience solely for the fact that I have never ever felt so very heartbroken in my entire life, I quite literally felt as if someone had scrunched my existence up and tossed it away.
The idea of losing such lovely friends made me want to wretch.
Luckily those tosspots were just bluffing but they definitely put me in my place.
You all get one dedication each for being the worst best friends a chap could ever ask for. x
Sunday 2 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #84: BELIEVING FOR JUST ONE SECOND THAT I HAD SOMEHOW BEEN PORTALLED TO NORWAY AND ALL MY DREAMS HAD COME TRUE
Since when the heck did Nordic bakeries branch out to over here in the UK?!
Don't get me wrong I'm in no way complaining whatsoever if anything I feel that we could do with more Nordic businesses in these parts.
Ahem, anyway back to the story of my new experience, I was just pottering around London this morning waiting for my train home when I came across a Nordic bakery.
In many ways it lacked any distinguishing Nordic traits which is perhaps why I mistook it at first for another bog standard bakery. Firstly there was a distinct lack of pine furnishings and secondly I am quite sure the till lady was of Latino origin.
I wasn't there to judge though and so I browsed through the Nordic treats that they had on offer.
Turns out that the Norway lot are only really famous for two pastry based things, rye bread and cinnamon buns neither of which I had ever tried before.
I picked up a loaf for my ol' mum and a little cinnamon bun for myself.
I approached the counter cautiously still questionable of the authenticity of the cashier ethnicity, I'm pretty sure she called me hombre under her breath which spoiled the whole experience for me rather a lot, who you try to fool anyway you damn Latino!?
Nonetheless it's pretty much the closest I have been to anything remotely Norweigan like and thats good enough for me.
Don't get me wrong I'm in no way complaining whatsoever if anything I feel that we could do with more Nordic businesses in these parts.
Ahem, anyway back to the story of my new experience, I was just pottering around London this morning waiting for my train home when I came across a Nordic bakery.
In many ways it lacked any distinguishing Nordic traits which is perhaps why I mistook it at first for another bog standard bakery. Firstly there was a distinct lack of pine furnishings and secondly I am quite sure the till lady was of Latino origin.
I wasn't there to judge though and so I browsed through the Nordic treats that they had on offer.
Turns out that the Norway lot are only really famous for two pastry based things, rye bread and cinnamon buns neither of which I had ever tried before.
I picked up a loaf for my ol' mum and a little cinnamon bun for myself.
I approached the counter cautiously still questionable of the authenticity of the cashier ethnicity, I'm pretty sure she called me hombre under her breath which spoiled the whole experience for me rather a lot, who you try to fool anyway you damn Latino!?
Nonetheless it's pretty much the closest I have been to anything remotely Norweigan like and thats good enough for me.
EXPERIENCE #83: VISITING AN ALGERIAN COFFEE STORE DOWN SOHO WAY
Thinking about it now I've quite probably past this particular store one million and one times and it was only really the large sacks of coffee beans being hefted into the shop that drew me in.
You see the brother an I are strongly pondering thoughts concerning setting up our own little coffee stop and so any inspiration right now is very much sought after.
The Algerian Coffee Store provided just that! The walls were chockablock with the most exotic of beans and tea leaves, they went all the way up to the ceiling!
There were free recipe suggestions on how to make the perfect Algerian coffee brews were also a lovely touch not to mention the modestly priced drinks which were far more focussed on the enjoyment factor rather than profit levels and annual sales.
Jay I do believe you and I need to take a trip to London town so you can see this for yourself.
This dedication is for you brother and also for you Algerians, Al salaam a'alaykum. x
Saturday 1 May 2010
EXPERIENCE #82: TAKING A SOAK IN A BIG OL' FREE STANDING TUB
Just so happens these two young Londoners/house market connoisseurs have only gone and got themselves a lovely new flat down Oval way.
Anyway the flat was really great blahdeeblah but the best part without one iota of doubt is the bathroom which features a free standing bath tub!
It's set against a beautiful red brick wall and the whole affair is complemented with one of those walk in showers everyone's raving about.
I have always, always wanted to have a long, bubbly soak in one of those bath tubs and today I was given the chance to do so.
It made me feel so terribly upmarket, very Sex and the Cityesque if I may say so.
Usually when I plonk myself down in the bath I wash my bits and get bored and pruney which is never any fun.
This time though I took in the whole bath time experience and bloody loved it.
If it weren't for the comotosed state I was in following the tipple or two of wine I'd at tea time and big day out in London town I would have stayed in for hours, however falling asleep in the bath is not big and definitely not clever and so sadly this experience was brief but beautiful.
Dedications go out to you both for allowing my the pleasure of using your tub. x
EXPERIENCE #81: UNDERGOING A SECRET MISSION...SORT OF
This whole thing is still rather classified so please excuse my vagueness, anyone could be reading this after all.
What I am going to do is outline in an almost militant stylized time line so you can see how damn amazing this whole escapade was.
05:47 - After receiving orders to be at SECRET LOCATION A between set designated times I set off for the specified destination.
11:54 - Arrive an hour late, and am told to wait for an unmarked van to pick me up and drive to me to SECRET LOCATION B
12:35 - Am picked up and driven to SECRET LOCATION B.
13:00 - Briefed and begin training for perhaps the most brilliantly hatched plan ever.
17:15 - New information received, mission ditched.
I know it's vague but I really can't go into much more detail.
You need to be aware of how bloody exciting this whole event was (I actually felt like a spy on about seven and a half separate occasions).
I met some of my biggest heroes ever (like quite literally ever) and was so tightly involved in things I never dreamed I could be, it is still rather unthinkable for my brain.
For this reason I hold it close to my bosom as being perhaps one of the greatest of all my new experiences and I'm sorry I can't really share more than that with you.
What I am going to do is outline in an almost militant stylized time line so you can see how damn amazing this whole escapade was.
05:47 - After receiving orders to be at SECRET LOCATION A between set designated times I set off for the specified destination.
11:54 - Arrive an hour late, and am told to wait for an unmarked van to pick me up and drive to me to SECRET LOCATION B
12:35 - Am picked up and driven to SECRET LOCATION B.
13:00 - Briefed and begin training for perhaps the most brilliantly hatched plan ever.
17:15 - New information received, mission ditched.
I know it's vague but I really can't go into much more detail.
You need to be aware of how bloody exciting this whole event was (I actually felt like a spy on about seven and a half separate occasions).
I met some of my biggest heroes ever (like quite literally ever) and was so tightly involved in things I never dreamed I could be, it is still rather unthinkable for my brain.
For this reason I hold it close to my bosom as being perhaps one of the greatest of all my new experiences and I'm sorry I can't really share more than that with you.
EXPERIENCE #80: HEARING THE DAWN CHORUS (TAKE TWO)
This time it really did work and the birds performed tremendously well.
It all happened whilst waiting for a train at the peak morning chorus time of 5:47 a.m (GMT).
I was perched on the station bench when it suddenly occurred to me what the commotion going about overhead actually was, birds singing.
It reminded me of someone holding down a key on an electrical Casio and the same droning high note going on and on and on, just this note was beautiful and the repetition of various bird songs was actually quite moving.
I was literally drowned in sound which at such an early time in the morn was a very odd thing to experience indeed.
Bodmin Parkway really is the doziest little train station ever and the surrounding trees quite literally swamp the two platforms, so in many ways due to the circumstances the morning chorus and a new experience found its own way to me so thanks birds, thirds.
It all happened whilst waiting for a train at the peak morning chorus time of 5:47 a.m (GMT).
I was perched on the station bench when it suddenly occurred to me what the commotion going about overhead actually was, birds singing.
It reminded me of someone holding down a key on an electrical Casio and the same droning high note going on and on and on, just this note was beautiful and the repetition of various bird songs was actually quite moving.
I was literally drowned in sound which at such an early time in the morn was a very odd thing to experience indeed.
Bodmin Parkway really is the doziest little train station ever and the surrounding trees quite literally swamp the two platforms, so in many ways due to the circumstances the morning chorus and a new experience found its own way to me so thanks birds, thirds.
Thursday 29 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #79: HAVING A LATE NIGHT, OVER DUE HONEST CHAT WITH MY STEP MOTHER
No detailed analysis of this one really I’m afraid.
Basically something was discussed that should have been discussed probably about sixteen years ago.
What was said is now definitely off her chest and I am one conversation closer to understanding the tangled web of confusion that shrouds my families past.
EXPERIENCE #78: REAWAKENING MY CROSS STITCH CAPABILITIES TO CREATE THE BEST BRITHDAY PRESENT EVER
Firstly shes a hard working woman with a busy bar to run and has far better things to be doing than reading this old guff.
Secondly she's horrendously illiterate and I believe that if I use complex enough word sequences she may not realize what I'm actually up to here.
Long ago back in year three I belonged to the most precious of all the school clubs, the cross stitch club. I used to love going, we would meet and stitch away to our hearts content. I vividly recall having a true knack for farmyard animals in particular baby chicks.
Anyway mainly because of the fear that people may believe me to be of the homosexual variety I left that club (and the choir, and the maypole dancing club, and the orchestra come to think of it...hmm) and started rugby, RUGBY!
Anyway whilst fishing around for ideas I came across some cross stitch work for sale. The whole thing was a 20cm by 20cm absolute work of art and I knew it was what I needed to get her. It was forty flipping pounds though and so I'm sorry to say I decided to swipe the idea and do it myself.
I peddled down the the local tapestry store and sought advice from the lady on how to go about this. She aided me in needle types and threads that complemented one another, gosh how it took me back to those lunchtimes from long ago, sewing away with not one single care in the world.
Right , so I got home and started straight away and I tell you there is nothing quite like reliving an old experience, what a rush.
Granted its going to take a while but I'm glad I have taken up this hobbiy once more.
EXPERIENCE #77: TAKING STEPS TOWARD BECOMING A REAL LIFE BARMAN
When it comes to barman skills I’m far from being competent.
When ever a customer asks what a particular wine is like I pretty much always say something like “it has a unique and subtle fruitiness to it” and pray they leave it at that. Luckily it seems to do the trick and more often than not I’m asked to come back with three bottles of whatever it is I've convinced them to get, cunning.
Today though I was asked to make a martini cocktail. I was left quite literally in the foetal position at the customers feet all over the prospect of having to go behind the bar to concoct something I truly had no idea how to make.
Anyway my beefy old boss Alistair came to my rescue, took me under is wing and showed me how it was done.
Gin + Martini + Cointreau + ice + silly little umbrella with a green olive on the end = Martini cocktail.
So now I know forever, yes.
AHEM, YEH...SO...ER SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND MUCH LATELY.
Many of you have shared your jumbled up feelings of sadness, anger and disappointment with me concerning the fact that I haven't updated this thing in um wow, (the wow is due to fact I've only just checked myself`) eleven days.
It started with a legitimate excuse, my computer had a shit fit that spanned three days total, but then I let everything get on top of me and lethargy kicked in and took over this whole shindig I'm afraid.
Now I don't want anyone to think I haven't been doing new experiences, I have and I think in all honesty I have missed two if not three of the days.
I'm not proud of what I've done, no sir, but I feel as if in the past few days I may have redeemed myself. You see I've been away, yes I've been poking around various new and peculiar parts of the country in the hope of picking up a whole stack of new experiences to make up for my total lack of effort.
So whaddya say can we just start where we left off, we were having fun right?
Ok? Ok. x
It started with a legitimate excuse, my computer had a shit fit that spanned three days total, but then I let everything get on top of me and lethargy kicked in and took over this whole shindig I'm afraid.
Now I don't want anyone to think I haven't been doing new experiences, I have and I think in all honesty I have missed two if not three of the days.
I'm not proud of what I've done, no sir, but I feel as if in the past few days I may have redeemed myself. You see I've been away, yes I've been poking around various new and peculiar parts of the country in the hope of picking up a whole stack of new experiences to make up for my total lack of effort.
So whaddya say can we just start where we left off, we were having fun right?
Ok? Ok. x
Monday 19 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #76: LETTING A WHOLE BUNCH OF STICK INSECTS CRAWL UP ON ME
When I say a whole bunch I actually mean seven in total. One, two, three, four five, six, seven, seven stick insects up on me.
At the start of this whole hundred day drama I probably wouldn't have allowed for such an experience to ever take place. However the opportunity arose and so I pounced in eagerness. It's definitely one to tell the grand kids and secretly I've always wanted to be able to say "whats that seven sticks insects at one time, oh yes I've done such a thing".
And now I can, yay for me.
At the start of this whole hundred day drama I probably wouldn't have allowed for such an experience to ever take place. However the opportunity arose and so I pounced in eagerness. It's definitely one to tell the grand kids and secretly I've always wanted to be able to say "whats that seven sticks insects at one time, oh yes I've done such a thing".
And now I can, yay for me.
Sunday 18 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #75: TAKING MY LADY BOSS TO A GRIMY NIGHTCLUB
This one I want to delicately tip-toe around mainly because I'm really not sure who could end up reading this and I quite like my job thank you very much.
The experience is a sort of carry on from the previous one as they both occurred in the same time period just this one was the other side of twelve o'clock.
I suppose I need to admit that when in my last experience I said that I had two goals that evening, I er well actually had three.
The third was to also have a slow dance with my boss Deb's who is a very graceful character and has perhaps just begun to sneak past the middle aged mark; only just mind you. The third goal was added after a few drinks when I was feeling a little more confident.
I mentioned it to a friend I was there with who very kindly blurbed it Deb's who then in turn clutched hold of my wrist and dragged me onto the dance floor. I ended up being in an embrace that was far too intimate for someone who lacks the skills of a true slow dancer. Deb's did kindly assure me I was in control and that just need to follow the beat. She told me when I was going too fast and when she wanted it to change a little, I reminded her how utter nervous/ mortified I was about the whole thing but she just held me and made it better.
Ahem, so to after the reception we decided to take her to a nightclub, well not just a nightclub but the one that used to be my old stomping grounds when I was a teenybopper. Once inside we got her to the center spot on the dance floor which by the way was swamped with people that I can quiet clearly recall having seen in nappies at some point in the not so distant past.
I taught the old girl my finest dance moves and kept her tanked up on vino or whatever it was she was guzzling.
It was a fun but very peculiar night and all seemed as if about five different evening based scenarios had been whisked up together to create something beautifully bizarre.
I was quite sure that after my own rather raunchy dance move rendition of Beyonce's 'All the Single Ladies' I would have been out of employment today, thankfully I wasn't although there were few titters in the kitchen.
This dedication is for Deb's thank you for a night I probably am going to really struggle to forget.
The experience is a sort of carry on from the previous one as they both occurred in the same time period just this one was the other side of twelve o'clock.
I suppose I need to admit that when in my last experience I said that I had two goals that evening, I er well actually had three.
The third was to also have a slow dance with my boss Deb's who is a very graceful character and has perhaps just begun to sneak past the middle aged mark; only just mind you. The third goal was added after a few drinks when I was feeling a little more confident.
I mentioned it to a friend I was there with who very kindly blurbed it Deb's who then in turn clutched hold of my wrist and dragged me onto the dance floor. I ended up being in an embrace that was far too intimate for someone who lacks the skills of a true slow dancer. Deb's did kindly assure me I was in control and that just need to follow the beat. She told me when I was going too fast and when she wanted it to change a little, I reminded her how utter nervous/ mortified I was about the whole thing but she just held me and made it better.
Ahem, so to after the reception we decided to take her to a nightclub, well not just a nightclub but the one that used to be my old stomping grounds when I was a teenybopper. Once inside we got her to the center spot on the dance floor which by the way was swamped with people that I can quiet clearly recall having seen in nappies at some point in the not so distant past.
I taught the old girl my finest dance moves and kept her tanked up on vino or whatever it was she was guzzling.
It was a fun but very peculiar night and all seemed as if about five different evening based scenarios had been whisked up together to create something beautifully bizarre.
I was quite sure that after my own rather raunchy dance move rendition of Beyonce's 'All the Single Ladies' I would have been out of employment today, thankfully I wasn't although there were few titters in the kitchen.
This dedication is for Deb's thank you for a night I probably am going to really struggle to forget.
EXPERIENCE #74: ATTENDING AN IRISH LESBIAN WEDDING RECEPTION IN A PRISON
Just so you know I enjoyed writing that title a great deal.
Yes, I'm friends with a Irish lesbian who goes by the name of Mary and today she just so happened to get married, huzzah!
After work a whole gaggle of us headed down to the reception that was being held in a renovated prison, cool huh?
I'm not going to lie I did have my fingers crossed that there would be more than one transvestite there and perhaps a podgy, drunkard of priest in a see-through pvc tux of some sort, in many ways this was my main reason for going.
Annoyingly there wasn't although I suppose not that surprisingly there was a fine assortment of butch lesbians to browse over which was kind of like a runners up prize I guess.
I set out with two goals in mind to make this experience truely countable; number one was to have a dance with the bride er groom er bride...Mary and the second was to find out the best man and brides maid situation when it came to lesbian weddings.
I achieved both actually and got to have a lovely slow dance with Mary, it was truly blissful and I enjoyed it a great deal.
Oh and just so you know lesbians don't need best mans or brides maids, they're above that apparently and to be honest I'm totally down with that way to shit all over the rules of tradition ladies!
Mary's wife looked absolutely fabulous in her momofied version of a tux suit. Her spiky white hair suited her burlesquey white suit smashingly and the itsy skewiff top hat was the cherry on top for me; for that you get Dans five star rating well done to you Sir.
Honestly I'm truly happy for them and want to thank them for allowing to be part of their wonderous day. Dedication? Yes I think so.
Yes, I'm friends with a Irish lesbian who goes by the name of Mary and today she just so happened to get married, huzzah!
After work a whole gaggle of us headed down to the reception that was being held in a renovated prison, cool huh?
I'm not going to lie I did have my fingers crossed that there would be more than one transvestite there and perhaps a podgy, drunkard of priest in a see-through pvc tux of some sort, in many ways this was my main reason for going.
Annoyingly there wasn't although I suppose not that surprisingly there was a fine assortment of butch lesbians to browse over which was kind of like a runners up prize I guess.
I set out with two goals in mind to make this experience truely countable; number one was to have a dance with the bride er groom er bride...Mary and the second was to find out the best man and brides maid situation when it came to lesbian weddings.
I achieved both actually and got to have a lovely slow dance with Mary, it was truly blissful and I enjoyed it a great deal.
Oh and just so you know lesbians don't need best mans or brides maids, they're above that apparently and to be honest I'm totally down with that way to shit all over the rules of tradition ladies!
Mary's wife looked absolutely fabulous in her momofied version of a tux suit. Her spiky white hair suited her burlesquey white suit smashingly and the itsy skewiff top hat was the cherry on top for me; for that you get Dans five star rating well done to you Sir.
Honestly I'm truly happy for them and want to thank them for allowing to be part of their wonderous day. Dedication? Yes I think so.
Saturday 17 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #73: GOING TO A WINE-TASTE-ATHON EXTRAVAGANZA!
However, we have a rather fine selection of wines at the restaurant I work in and they're all locally sourced from the Camel Valley Vineyard just down the road; this is the proper stuff.
So when myself and my fellow employee Liddi came to discussing our fine wine selection and how we really didn't know much about it we decided that it would be a good idea to go down to the vineyard to experience our first ever day out wine tasting .
We agreed that such an event would undoubtably draw in the upper class toffs and tarts from the surrounding area as well as the the posh wineheads down on their Easter holidays who are looking for quick yet fabulous fix.
It was therefore decided we would decorate ourselves in our most exquisite ensembles and take on alter egos. I can't remember the names that we went for exactly (murky memory probably caused by the wine intake) but I'm sure that one sounded something like hyacinth (the bulbous plant of the lily family, just so you know) and the other like some sort of pedigree dog breed, I dunno.
Anyway, the tour was actually quite interesting and I learn't some cracking new facts. For example, interesting fact, did you know that Champagne is actually called that because of where it is from not just how it is made?! Also red wine gets its distinct colour from the skins and if they're left out you just get white wine, smart eh?
After the tour we got to sit down and sniff and slosh all the wines that the vineyard made. In all honesty I have never tasted such delicious tasting wines in my life, they had very distinct flavors and aromas. Yes, quite.
They went through the tasting quite quickly and although they were only tiddly glasses having to quickly guzzle them down at such a pace accumulated to chugging a big ol' glass of wine, needless to say I was a tiny bit tipsy.
All in all the tasting tour was a right old laugh and I want to thank Liddi a lot for coming along with me. Dedication pour toi mon amour.
p.s look how thin this tractor is!
Wednesday 14 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #72: PUTTING SOME MONEY DOWN ON A LOTTERY TICKET
Well it was in my family at least and I can vividly remember the fact that after Gladiators and Blind Date we'd have to quickly turn over to the BBC to check the numbers and watch last weeks 'winners story'. Anyone remember this?
Anyway I suppose when I got to the age where I could purchase my own tickets I'd sort of lost the enthusiasm for the lottery that I had as a child.
Today though I was feeling super lucky and popped into the newsagents to myself my first ever very own ticket.
Well, haven't things gone and gotten horrendously complicated in the world of the National Lottery!? There were about a dozen mini little lottery themed games that I could play including something called the 'Thunderball' which I must admit does actually sound quite fun.
I had to get the shaky old lady behind the register to help me out in choosing the ticket that I remembered so fondly from back in the day (jeez I'm old), she kindly went through the rules with me also.
After a few test runs I had my six lucky numbers marked off and with my ticket in hand I left the store still feeling a little confused as to what had just happened.
Now I just have to wait until tomorrow evening when the numbers are called to hopefully win the rollover jackpot of 17 million!
Tuesday 13 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #71: REGISTERING TO VOTE
Like many other human beings I have my very own assortment of views and opinions about a whole bunch of different things. Yes, fine, well done me but the problem is that when applying them to all more political based discussions I turn into a total spack.
To get around this big ass fail of mine if there has ever been anything that I have found myself grumbling about i.e new coal power stations or whopping great supermarkets threatening to ruin my town, I have just gone and joined up to an NGO of some sort and helped in whatever way I can to prevent whatever it is I don't like from happening.
That doesn't mean that many a time I haven't sat at a meeting and not understood a bloomin' thing that's being said but at least I'm there helping in my own special way.
Now as for voting, that's something that has always swooshed wayyy over my head. Last time I had the chance to vote I was a tiddly little eighteen year old who was more concerned with drinking vodka and cherryade down park, in fact I am pretty sure I was too intoxicated to vote that day...terrible I know.
This time however, at the respectable age of twenty-three I decided to register to vote for the upcoming elections.
To aid me along the political path I harnessed the incredible power of the magnificent Vote Match Computer that my wonderful friend Melissa told me all about. Basically it asks you a whole load of questions and you have to tell it whether you agree or disagree and it matches you to your perfect party.
Anyway I did it and the results were incredibly close and still incredibly meaningless to me.
Turns out I'm a Labour lad (who'd of guessed?) although the Green Party and IKIP weren't far behind.
Thank you for you're help Vote Match Computer but I think I've come to my own decision, please don't be sad.
Mel, your very first solo dedication, see you on May 6th x
Oh and here you go kids have a play for yourself.
To get around this big ass fail of mine if there has ever been anything that I have found myself grumbling about i.e new coal power stations or whopping great supermarkets threatening to ruin my town, I have just gone and joined up to an NGO of some sort and helped in whatever way I can to prevent whatever it is I don't like from happening.
That doesn't mean that many a time I haven't sat at a meeting and not understood a bloomin' thing that's being said but at least I'm there helping in my own special way.
Now as for voting, that's something that has always swooshed wayyy over my head. Last time I had the chance to vote I was a tiddly little eighteen year old who was more concerned with drinking vodka and cherryade down park, in fact I am pretty sure I was too intoxicated to vote that day...terrible I know.
This time however, at the respectable age of twenty-three I decided to register to vote for the upcoming elections.
To aid me along the political path I harnessed the incredible power of the magnificent Vote Match Computer that my wonderful friend Melissa told me all about. Basically it asks you a whole load of questions and you have to tell it whether you agree or disagree and it matches you to your perfect party.
Anyway I did it and the results were incredibly close and still incredibly meaningless to me.
Turns out I'm a Labour lad (who'd of guessed?) although the Green Party and IKIP weren't far behind.
Thank you for you're help Vote Match Computer but I think I've come to my own decision, please don't be sad.
Mel, your very first solo dedication, see you on May 6th x
Oh and here you go kids have a play for yourself.
Monday 12 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #70: PUTTING MYSELF IN PERHAPS THE MOST DEGRADING POSITION OF MY LIFE EVER...LITERALLY
We live in extremely open minded times and there is absolutely nothing wrong with removing ones hair from ones pubic region thank you very much.
Whilst getting mildly tanked up on cider down on the harbor side yesterday, it was decided that my experience for today would be to get a homemade version of this delicate and intricate beauty practice done.
That evening we picked up some hair removal cream and wax strips on the way home, I then headed out on an evening of more drinking.
Consequently, I awoke feeling like death with thoughts of waxing my jangly bits way, way, waaay at the back of my mind amongst all the hurt, regret and nausea.
However, when I realized I had like an hour before I caught the coach home I was struck with the realization that it was now or never; when asked to make my choice I foolishly went with the first option.
We did decide however that perhaps the bum would be enough for one session and that if I wanted to continue further afield I could take some strips home with me in a goody bag and do it in my own time.
Okay, so I want to treat the description of this new experience with as much politeness and decency that is actually possible when describing the removal of ass hair, however readers I think you need to be aware that this is never in a million years going to be nice discussion and if you're easily offended or quick to become nauseous then stop reading now.
Ahem, it really didn't hurt as much I had imagined it ever would. In all honesty the levels of violation for both my friends, my brother and myself during the whole experience were probably the worst part of it all.
The hair removal cream made the whole affair far more slippy and its colour, texture and aroma were extremely off putting. The budget wax strips hardly worked at all either which was a little frustrating for both waxer and waxee (sorry Ter).
Regardless, we got through it and to be honest I think that it's pulled us closer together. I suppose in many ways it's like being a birthing partner, just, well the opposite way round...hmm.
Anyway in many ways I am pleased with the end result. It all feels a little different down there and I'm concerned about the possibility of chafing at a later date but for now I'm content in knowing I'm hair free and looking great!
In hindsight I can now see that probably my worst decisions are made whilst drunk and that I should perhaps remember that once sober I can still say no. I'm also becoming suspicious of the fact that all experiences involving Teri involve defacing my body in some shape or form.
I do owe her a big thank you though and a total dedication to her and Mel (on video camera) and Jay (on photo camera), I'm here if you ever want the favor returned. x
EXPERIENCE #69: TRAVELLING FIRST CLASS TO ATTEND A RED CARPET EVENT AND CHAMPAGNE RECEPTION
There is a lot of uncertainty surrounding this experience. I'm stand my ground in insisting that I have never travelled first class on a train before, however my brother insists that I have and can even recall the price and day that it occurred...drama!
I would like to highlight the fact that I keep all of my train tickets in the plastic wallet my railcard is in and there was no sign of the so called suspected golden first class ticket he was jabbering on about.
Regardless what I've attempted to do here is almost skew the experience away from being solely about the rather splendid first class trip I took up to Bristol today (although that's what it's secretly about) and am focusing a little (hardly at all actually) on all the new things I experienced at the party I went to in the evening.
So somehow I managed to wangle myself a ticket aboard the first class coach whilst planning for my trip to Bristol today.
After about an hour of being the only bugger in the coach I sort of guess that perhaps I was on a ghost train of some sort and that's the actual reason I had got such a reasonable deal on traveling like royalty.
Nah uh, I got up to use the loo and quite literally collided with a wall of squished people in behind the slidey door doo dahs.
Turns out that the whole train was fully packed bar the first class carriage, poor sods. So I gave up on my trip to the toilet, returned to my seat and crossed my legs tightly.
Next thing I know the tannoy comes on and the unlucky dear on refreshment trolley duty is announcing that due to the large amount of people and luggage sprawled out through the lower ranking carriages she is unable to do the rounds and that if anyone's thirsty to come to her. Pretty much as soon as she signs off the first class conductor chappy came and asked me if I would like my very own complementary coffee.
I know, I know if I were any sort of morally obliging human being I should of taken my warm brew back to the next carriage along and shared it amongst the people there but to be fair I rarely get a treat like this and I am usually the silly mug smushed against the toilet door sort of being held up by others in the crowd; I'm sorry to say I kicked back and enjoyed my free coffee in the sanctity of first class.
Anyway being a bit of a lover from traveling by train my very first experience traveling first class was a nice treat however it's probably not something I would do again I think the people in there were just a little too stiff for my liking.
Oh and I went to a party and entered on a red carpet and was welcomed with a glass of champagne; that's a first too don't you know?
Dedicated to my brother Jay. x
I would like to highlight the fact that I keep all of my train tickets in the plastic wallet my railcard is in and there was no sign of the so called suspected golden first class ticket he was jabbering on about.
Regardless what I've attempted to do here is almost skew the experience away from being solely about the rather splendid first class trip I took up to Bristol today (although that's what it's secretly about) and am focusing a little (hardly at all actually) on all the new things I experienced at the party I went to in the evening.
So somehow I managed to wangle myself a ticket aboard the first class coach whilst planning for my trip to Bristol today.
After about an hour of being the only bugger in the coach I sort of guess that perhaps I was on a ghost train of some sort and that's the actual reason I had got such a reasonable deal on traveling like royalty.
Nah uh, I got up to use the loo and quite literally collided with a wall of squished people in behind the slidey door doo dahs.
Turns out that the whole train was fully packed bar the first class carriage, poor sods. So I gave up on my trip to the toilet, returned to my seat and crossed my legs tightly.
Next thing I know the tannoy comes on and the unlucky dear on refreshment trolley duty is announcing that due to the large amount of people and luggage sprawled out through the lower ranking carriages she is unable to do the rounds and that if anyone's thirsty to come to her. Pretty much as soon as she signs off the first class conductor chappy came and asked me if I would like my very own complementary coffee.
I know, I know if I were any sort of morally obliging human being I should of taken my warm brew back to the next carriage along and shared it amongst the people there but to be fair I rarely get a treat like this and I am usually the silly mug smushed against the toilet door sort of being held up by others in the crowd; I'm sorry to say I kicked back and enjoyed my free coffee in the sanctity of first class.
Anyway being a bit of a lover from traveling by train my very first experience traveling first class was a nice treat however it's probably not something I would do again I think the people in there were just a little too stiff for my liking.
Oh and I went to a party and entered on a red carpet and was welcomed with a glass of champagne; that's a first too don't you know?
Dedicated to my brother Jay. x
EXPERIENCE #68: TAKING A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE THROUGH THE POWER OF GOOGLE WORLD
This is really a bit of an accidental new experience and one that you probably won't appreciate unless you're me.
It all started this afternoon when I got all lost in my very own newly downloaded Google World application. Whilst pecking at a cheese toastie and slurping down a mug of tepid tea I virtually pootled round some of my favourite places from the past.
Firstly I headed down to Mas de la Solane (or Solane Farm for you lower beings) where I wasted away my days last summer. It was a little bizarre considering all the work that I had been doing on the land was nowhere to be seen; I sort of felt like Marty McFly.
I next went to my old house out in Helland which took me bloody ages to find. The house used to belong to one of the guys from the 80's band Bucks Fizz (yeh thought i would just drop that in) and was where I spent much of my childhood roaming around the grounds pretending to be a raptor.
I visited my old hall's building from university which is perhaps even more of a skank hole now...god I miss that place.
Oh, oh, oh and I went over my old paper round route too.
I guess it sort of compares to looking through old photo's just perhaps a bit lamer.
Yeh not a very good experience really, sorry folks.
It all started this afternoon when I got all lost in my very own newly downloaded Google World application. Whilst pecking at a cheese toastie and slurping down a mug of tepid tea I virtually pootled round some of my favourite places from the past.
Firstly I headed down to Mas de la Solane (or Solane Farm for you lower beings) where I wasted away my days last summer. It was a little bizarre considering all the work that I had been doing on the land was nowhere to be seen; I sort of felt like Marty McFly.
I next went to my old house out in Helland which took me bloody ages to find. The house used to belong to one of the guys from the 80's band Bucks Fizz (yeh thought i would just drop that in) and was where I spent much of my childhood roaming around the grounds pretending to be a raptor.
I visited my old hall's building from university which is perhaps even more of a skank hole now...god I miss that place.
Oh, oh, oh and I went over my old paper round route too.
I guess it sort of compares to looking through old photo's just perhaps a bit lamer.
Yeh not a very good experience really, sorry folks.
Thursday 8 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #67: GOING TO MY LOCAL BINGO NIGHT
Well luckily enough I had this evening free from work and so my sister, my beautiful baby niece and I headed down to the town hall for a game or seven.
My god, I would never have ever guessed that bingo had such a following in my piddly little town, quite literally half of it's population must have been there, well that's perhaps a slight over exaggeration but there were a lot there. I took my seat next to a lovely little old lady who helped me grasp the basics of the game.
That's right chortle away but you don't know what it's like, there is so much more to it than even I expected what with all their fiddly little bonus games and confusing rules surrounding how to win first second and full house rounds. See, ha!
Anyway, there were some absolutely fabulous prizes to be won and so I became slightly obssessed with an overwhelming need to win something, anything.
Sadly I didn't, although I do believe that I may have found my calling in life...professional bingo player, what can I say it's a great game.
Highlight of the evening you ask? Probably half way through when some old dear clenched hold of the mic and performed what I am told is her fornightly sing song treat for the crowd.
After a three hour bingofest I can safely say that that was perhaps one of the best evening out in Wadebridge ever. Yes I will be attending next weeks sesh and yes I will also be winning something then too, wish me luck people and come along if you can.
Thanks for coming Frankie and I hope Illy loved her first dip into the world of bingo. For you baby x
EXPERIENCE #66: ACHIEVING A BUCKET LOAD OF NEW EXPERIENCES IN THE SEARCH FOR JUST ONE GOOD ONE
Sometimes I wake up with a fuzzy head and no real plans for the day.
Obviously there's work and all the other mundane bits and bobs that I have to do everyday but I'm talking about extra curricular activities that usually give me something to garble on about here.
Today was one of those days which was a bit annoying really considering I was feeling rather motivated to get a cracking new experience under my belt.
Consequently I did one better and bagged myself about four new experiences. Yes I know I could be accused of getting far too ahead of myself and that one a day means just one a day but I know all this (it is my blog you know?) and so this still counts as just one individual experience.
So I suppose I should tell you what I did, well please keep in mind before you judge the fact that they all equate to one definitely does excuse the fact that some are an itsy bit um rubbish.
Firstly I managed to convince my legs to cycle non stop the entire three mile up hill cycle to work this evening.
Seriously this is quite a feat and something that I have never achieved before, I always usually have to stop at two particularly steep spots but this evening somehow I managed without stopping even once.
If you aren't impressed just look at map I've added (if you're actually interested then give it a bit to load and follow the blue line), it's a bloody trek and I'd like to see you do the whole thing balanced on two wheels!
View Larger Map
Secondly, I tried the fanciable French dessert, Parfait.
I only knew about parfait from the movie Shrek and to be honest the scene in which it is discussed still gets me quite excitable.
If you didn't know Parfait actually means perfect in French and thats exactly what it is. I would describe the taste as somewhere between ice cream and cheese cake just minus the cheesyness.
The restaurant chef described it as being like baked ice cream as in you cook it then freeze it or something.
Thirdly, I watched my first ever Alfred Hitchcock movie once I got home from work, Marnie (1964).
It was a bit of psycho-drama flick and was something about a thieving little lady who then gets forced into a messy marriage she doesn't really want to be in. Her husband decides that she needs to be analyzed the heck out of to find out why she doesn't like the touch of a man (two guesses) and this all luckily saves her...wow!
Yeh it was okay. I'm sorry I'm just really not good at reviews, a film either grabs me or it doesn't and to be honest I really wish I had held out for The Birds or something a little less, well a little less about some whiny girl with an awful name like Marnie.
Lastly, for the first time in the history of my existence I watched an episode of the BBC series, Doctor Who.
I never really warmed to that Tennant chap, he reminded me of a deranged pigeon and every time I saw him my face would screw up and the channel would be changed.
However, it was the start of the brand spanking new series and, well the new doctor is hot.
So I watched it and was actually quite impressed with what the old busy bodies at the beeb have been doing with our tax money, yes I was entertained well done.
Plus how good is the new docs hair?!
There you go four new ones *grin*.
Obviously there's work and all the other mundane bits and bobs that I have to do everyday but I'm talking about extra curricular activities that usually give me something to garble on about here.
Today was one of those days which was a bit annoying really considering I was feeling rather motivated to get a cracking new experience under my belt.
Consequently I did one better and bagged myself about four new experiences. Yes I know I could be accused of getting far too ahead of myself and that one a day means just one a day but I know all this (it is my blog you know?) and so this still counts as just one individual experience.
So I suppose I should tell you what I did, well please keep in mind before you judge the fact that they all equate to one definitely does excuse the fact that some are an itsy bit um rubbish.
Firstly I managed to convince my legs to cycle non stop the entire three mile up hill cycle to work this evening.
Seriously this is quite a feat and something that I have never achieved before, I always usually have to stop at two particularly steep spots but this evening somehow I managed without stopping even once.
If you aren't impressed just look at map I've added (if you're actually interested then give it a bit to load and follow the blue line), it's a bloody trek and I'd like to see you do the whole thing balanced on two wheels!
View Larger Map
Secondly, I tried the fanciable French dessert, Parfait.
I only knew about parfait from the movie Shrek and to be honest the scene in which it is discussed still gets me quite excitable.
If you didn't know Parfait actually means perfect in French and thats exactly what it is. I would describe the taste as somewhere between ice cream and cheese cake just minus the cheesyness.
The restaurant chef described it as being like baked ice cream as in you cook it then freeze it or something.
Thirdly, I watched my first ever Alfred Hitchcock movie once I got home from work, Marnie (1964).
It was a bit of psycho-drama flick and was something about a thieving little lady who then gets forced into a messy marriage she doesn't really want to be in. Her husband decides that she needs to be analyzed the heck out of to find out why she doesn't like the touch of a man (two guesses) and this all luckily saves her...wow!
Yeh it was okay. I'm sorry I'm just really not good at reviews, a film either grabs me or it doesn't and to be honest I really wish I had held out for The Birds or something a little less, well a little less about some whiny girl with an awful name like Marnie.
Lastly, for the first time in the history of my existence I watched an episode of the BBC series, Doctor Who.
I never really warmed to that Tennant chap, he reminded me of a deranged pigeon and every time I saw him my face would screw up and the channel would be changed.
However, it was the start of the brand spanking new series and, well the new doctor is hot.
So I watched it and was actually quite impressed with what the old busy bodies at the beeb have been doing with our tax money, yes I was entertained well done.
Plus how good is the new docs hair?!
There you go four new ones *grin*.
Tuesday 6 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #65: CELEBRATING FEASTER WITH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF COFFEE
I held off from my caffeine gorgefest until today so that I could get a decent cuppa joe at my old reliable regular coffee stop.
My friend Jack who works at this particular place made me up what is known as a flat white.
Now, I've been out of the barista circuit for over half a year now and although I wasn't half bad back in the day I had never made or tasted a flat white.
It's basically a shorter intenser version of your typical latte. I sort of liked the idea of this considering I enjoy the smoothness of a latte but yearn for the rich hit of a strong black coffee.
Ahem, yes so I thoroughly enjoyed the drink (thanks Jack) and reveled in all the effects that caffeine has on a person i.e the brewing coffee poo, manic buzz and rumbly gut churns...bliss.
I also picked myself up a big old coffee and walnut cake which I guzzled down pretty much in one single sitting.
After reflecting on the day I sort of have come to a decision though, that maybe coffee isn't for me anymore.
Interesting fact, did you know that if you are a regular coffee drinker your brain becomes dependent on that hit to just function at a normal level, crazy isn't it?!
I just remember how awful I felt the week after going cold turkey and I'm finding the whole thing a little ridiculous to be honest.
So maybe every now and then I will have a brew or two just for funzies, but in the long run I think I'm done with the mud.
EXPERIENCE #64: RE-ENTERING THE STRANGE AND SCARY WORLD OF UNDERWEAR
Now I don't care how lame you consider this new experience to but it's one that I'm particularly proud of.
As more regular visitors to my blog site may recall way, way waaaaaaaaay back on experience #23 I gave up coffee and underwear for lent.
Now for the past forty days and forty nights i have quietly suffered through the chafing, embarrassing changing room moments at work and the butt crack errr cracks every time I have knelt down or bent over (smirk).
Today being the day that Jesus rose again blahdeeblah I got up and slid on into a nice secure and supportive pair of boxer briefs.
You know what, the only word I can think of to use to sum up what was meant to be probably the most momentous day of this year so far for me is STRANGLED.
I fear that I may have reverted to a more primitive version of my former self, one that has no need for under garments.
I sort of feel like a dressed up dog now...whimper.
As more regular visitors to my blog site may recall way, way waaaaaaaaay back on experience #23 I gave up coffee and underwear for lent.
Now for the past forty days and forty nights i have quietly suffered through the chafing, embarrassing changing room moments at work and the butt crack errr cracks every time I have knelt down or bent over (smirk).
Today being the day that Jesus rose again blahdeeblah I got up and slid on into a nice secure and supportive pair of boxer briefs.
You know what, the only word I can think of to use to sum up what was meant to be probably the most momentous day of this year so far for me is STRANGLED.
I fear that I may have reverted to a more primitive version of my former self, one that has no need for under garments.
I sort of feel like a dressed up dog now...whimper.
EXPERIENCE #63: BEING ASSIGNED TO A REAL, LEGIT SECRET MISSON
Can't say when, where, what, why or how for now at least....
Thursday 1 April 2010
EXPERIENCE #62: GETTING THE OL' YEO BROTHERHOOD BACK UP AND RUNNING
Jay and I took a trip to their house today to make amends for the eight years of absence and we had a good, fun time.
Considering that all my brothers (minus Taylor) are now a lot bigger and bulkier than I am, I was sadly the sole victim of all the beatings and mistreatment throughout the evening.
Nothing wrong with a bit of brotherly horse play I hear you say, yes, well not when you're the oldest brother, you really can't imagine what this has done for my sense of masculinity and pride...sigh.
Anyway as I was saying it was a good, fun time and we just did all the same old junk that we used to which is always nice.
Wednesday 31 March 2010
EXPERIENCE #61: DRINKING SOME PUNCH AT SOME PARTY
Every time I go to a house party I'm always hoping that someone has taken the time to make-up a big ol' bowl of fruity punch so that I can pretend I'm at some teeny bopper high school shindig with my bros and ho's having a right old laugh.
Sadly this has never happened for me and I admit that I have never ever tried punch.
In fact even when I was at a real high school house party in a real American town in America there wasn't any punch...ruined.
Last night though I went to the lovely Hayley Browns birthday bonanza and discovered a huge bowl of pink punch in the fridge.
I was given a cup and some was ladled into it for me, I tried to savor the moment as I slurped it all down.
I found the beverage to be a real pleasure to many of the senses and there was definitely a comfortable ratio between the alcohol content and juicy goodness which is something I really look for in a drink.
Anyway Hayley, happy birthday you old dingbat and consider this dedication your birthday present. Sucker x
Sadly this has never happened for me and I admit that I have never ever tried punch.
In fact even when I was at a real high school house party in a real American town in America there wasn't any punch...ruined.
Last night though I went to the lovely Hayley Browns birthday bonanza and discovered a huge bowl of pink punch in the fridge.
I was given a cup and some was ladled into it for me, I tried to savor the moment as I slurped it all down.
I found the beverage to be a real pleasure to many of the senses and there was definitely a comfortable ratio between the alcohol content and juicy goodness which is something I really look for in a drink.
Anyway Hayley, happy birthday you old dingbat and consider this dedication your birthday present. Sucker x
EXPERIENCE #60: GETTING AND GIVING A HOMEMADE TATTOO
My brother and his girlfriend Teri (who also happens to be my nearest and dearest friend) cleverly found out a way to tattoo yourself with a small collection of the most common of household items.
A few weeks back they inked each other and ended up with a pretty sharp looking anchor on both of their toes.
Now they're home for the Easter holidays I got the chance the find out all the hows, whats and wheres about the technique and even got to get and give one myself.
So all that is required to make your own tattoo kit is a pencil, a needle (sterilized obviously), some thread, some Indian ink and then some idea of what you'd like to have tattooed on you.
You use the thread to firmly tie the needle to the end of the pencil and the ink, to well ink yourself with duh.
As for designs I went for a sperm whale (classic, I know) just under the old left armpit. Teri designed and drew a cheeky little chappy that we decided to call Spermy.
Obviously the main difference between using a professional gun and a pin tied to a stick is that it hurts a lot more and it takes a lot longer.
After roughly an hour of pain and a tea break too it was all done and looking fine and dandy I'd like to add.
The great thing about Spermy is that as I raise my arm to look at him the my skin stretches and it literally looks as is he's perking up because he is happy to see me, bless!
I then got to pin some pictures onto Jay and Teris toes, yep a crown and a triangle. It was a little nerve racking considering how permanent the whole thing was but I think I did rather well.
They were both pleased with the results anyway which is always a good sign and I am more than happy with little Spermy
So drumroll please, yes Teri this one is dedicated to you (finally) thank you for my new little friend. I love you x
Monday 29 March 2010
EXPERIENCE #59: SEX WITH NOTHING BUT SOCKS ON
Yeh really not a nice thing to do. Always been a big no no with me and is even more so now.
Sunday 28 March 2010
EXPERIENCE #58: HAVING A FALCONRY LESSON
Today I caught the early morning bus down to my local Birds of Prey Center to spend the morning with a professional falconer, oh and Sam came too.
It all started with a rather morbid discussion about the woes of bird keeping and how the chap was considering suicide if he has another bad season this year (not really sure how serious he was being either).
We started by weighing each bird which is something that needs to be done every morning. I got to wear one of the fancy gloves and prance around adorned with falcons and eagles galore taking each one to the scales and then to their perches.
We met all the resident birds including the smallest (and probably cutest) Kestrel species in the world. We got told all about plumage variations, differing sizes and types of behavior.
Also, interesting fact, did you know that birds beaks grow? Yep they do.
Well when it got to lunchtime we had the joy of helping to cut the shit sacks out of dead one day old chicks and massaging powdered vitamins into their little thawed out fluffy bodies; total delight.
Anyway the best bit came next when we got to take a few of the birds out for some training.
First was Bebe who was a cheeky little barn owl who was so tame that he was more like a little dog than a bird. He'd just come off his training line (a term you falconry amateurs simply couldn't get to grips with easily so I'll skip an explanation) and took a real liking to scuffling around looking for chick legs.
I had a little go trying to get him to fly to my glove to receive a baby chick leg...he wasn't too bad you know?
Second was Weasel a barmy looking goshawk with a bad-ass haunch and loco looking stare. We pretty much did the same with Weasel, he was just a little less dog like than Bebe and more like a flying predator.
Lastly I had to fly a harrier falcon all on my own. His name was Jacob and he had an uncontrollable fear of right hands, being right handed myself I wasn't his favorite person in the world.
I got my own bag of dead chick bits and flew him up and down the flying strip a few times.
It was pretty intense having such a big thing hurtling towards you at speeds unknown, but I think I got the knack of it in the end.
The center also do hunting days where you can go out on a killing spree accompanied by dogs, falcons and ferrets...needless to say I'm extremely excited about such a prospect.
Thankyou for pretty much the most perfect present ever mum, love x
EXPERIENCE #57: SERVING AT A FREEMASON CONVENTION
The local Freemason group for whatever reason like to dine in the restaurant that I am now working in.
Now I'm not claiming to be the big cheese on Freemason related conspiracy theories but I have heard a tale or two about what they're secretly all about and that's why I was particularly excited when I found out this evening that I would be personally dishing out their din-dins.
The main man I was particularly interested in observing was someone called the "Worshipful Master" who was a vegetarian (so we have at least one thing in common) and also the head honcho of the whole group.
I was under strict orders that he was to be served first, cleared first and properly looked after.
As soon as he came in I knew it was him, he was one of those properly bold shiny headed men and he had suspiciously dark, thick eyebrows, in fact he looked a ridiculous amount like "The Hood" from Thunderbirds.
Anyway the whole thing was pretty bog standard minus the chanting, stamping and hand clapping which was a little startling.
Annoyingly the "Worshipful Master" slunk off before I had a chance to ask him his views on the New World Order or the issues surrounding chemtrails...next time I'll have you though.
Now I'm not claiming to be the big cheese on Freemason related conspiracy theories but I have heard a tale or two about what they're secretly all about and that's why I was particularly excited when I found out this evening that I would be personally dishing out their din-dins.
The main man I was particularly interested in observing was someone called the "Worshipful Master" who was a vegetarian (so we have at least one thing in common) and also the head honcho of the whole group.
I was under strict orders that he was to be served first, cleared first and properly looked after.
As soon as he came in I knew it was him, he was one of those properly bold shiny headed men and he had suspiciously dark, thick eyebrows, in fact he looked a ridiculous amount like "The Hood" from Thunderbirds.
Anyway the whole thing was pretty bog standard minus the chanting, stamping and hand clapping which was a little startling.
Annoyingly the "Worshipful Master" slunk off before I had a chance to ask him his views on the New World Order or the issues surrounding chemtrails...next time I'll have you though.
Friday 26 March 2010
EXPERIENCE #56: BEFRIENDING A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER DAN YEO'S
This confused me greatly considering Jay and I natter on Facebook all the time, it wasn't until I looked harder at the thumbnail photo that I realized that it wasn't my Jay Yeo at all and that this was a Jay Yeo of the Asian variety.
I then remembered that my brother had added this bloke a while back for shits and giggles because they have the same name, hilarious I know.
Anyway I sort of scoffed at the screen and didn't really think much more of it, that was until I staggered home from the pub that night after having perhaps one tipple too many.
Thinking it would be the best thing ever, I searched through all of the Dan Yeo's on the planet (well Facebook at least) and added them with the hope that somehow this would make the world a far grander place.
Turns out that firstly my fellow Dan Yeoians aren't too interested in that idea (I'm totally lacking in responses from those douche bags) and secondly after reviewing my fellow comrades under more sober circumstances we don't really make for much of an impressive assortment (please refer to photographs that show the only two that replied).
Thursday 25 March 2010
EXPERIENCE #55: RECIEVING PROBABLY THE BEST BELATED BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER
It only turned out to be a freakin harmonica which is probably my most sought after instrument ever.
I have a lot of plans with my new little 'howlin harp' and as you can see from the accompanying photograph I've already had a brotherly jam sesh with Jay, it was joyous.
I am set on learning the tune that Jesse plays to Willy in the 1993 classic, Free Willy (smirk).
Anyway thankyou so much Kesley my dear its a treasure I will keep forever. This one is for you x
p.s I've put the song on here so that you guys can gush over it as much I have been the past half hour.
Tuesday 23 March 2010
EXPERIENCE #54: TAKING THE RORSCHACH TEST
Today at work someone was telling about how they wasted a good fifteen minutes of their life taking an online version of the famous Rorscach Test, you know the one with the silly splodges on the bit of paper.
So i wrote down the address on my hand (which by the way I spelt Rawshock, what a ditz) and rushed home to spend up those fifteen minutes of my life that I had kept spare for such an occasion.
I'd always wanted to give one of these a go but my mum never left me alone long enough for me to have a chance to approach a professional about my "issues" and I don't have any friends with a surplus of ink large enough to create a bundle of homemade blots let alone the skills to analyze them for me.
The free online version is a little iffy to be honest and so i took two different ones just so I had a second diagnosis.
So here they are, judge if you may but I'm yet to be officially classed insane and I don't personally feel that there is anything wrong with having a "sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence", so there.
TEST ONE:
Sickness Quotient: 92%
WARNING: Your Sickness Quotient of 92% is very disturbing.
Detailed Diagnosis
- Interpersonal Insights
You think everyone is out to get you, and you're absolutely right. It's because you're an awful person without any redeeming qualities. Your friends (both of them) think you're a total clod. As long as you continue to buy the beer, however, they'll still be your pals.
- Job Performance & Attitude
You frequently mention terms like "core competencies" and "paradigm shifts" while at work. Stop acting like such a tool. You have little empathy for anyone more successful at work than you, which is pretty much everyone.
- Personality Insight
Your personal motto is "Find something you love, and do it." Unfortunately, your test results indicate you really love sheep.
TEST TWO:
Compared against a baseline index of approximately 5,000 'standard' responses, your responses indicate the following:
Diagnostic Overview:
You have a disregard of all rules and take sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, you like hockey. There is no likelihood of your making any recovery from this, so wallow in self-pity and then have another beer and some chips. People who answer as you did have bizzare clown-phobias.
Long-Term Prognosis:
You will need intensive psychological care for the rest of your life because of the factors described above. Stay away from other people if at all possible; just use the internet. Don't go outdoors or you're doomed. You are deeply scared of anything dangerous, violent, or threatening, which actually makes perfect sense, now that we think about it.
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