EXPERIENCE #32: ACTUALLY MAKING MY VERY OWN PROPER WEBSITE

Well it's not actually my very own, it's for the campaign group I'm with but still I made it and I'm feeling pretty chuffed with myself.

In between working, sleeping and kanoodling with Sam I've been working on it for the past week and a bit and finally got it done this evening.

I'm going to stop this entry short because I'm all computered out now.

I definitely dedicate this one to my step brother Jamie who had to literally hold my hand and guide me through this step by step.

Take a look for your self lovewadebridge.com

EXPERIENCE #31: HAVING A LOOK AT SOME REAL LIFE WHALE GUTS

This experience should have been titled having a look at a real life dead whale but sadly the carcass had turned to mush by the time we got to have a look so we only really saw its guts bobbing around in the sea.

For those of you that have no idea what I'm talking about, this week the body of a fin whale (second largest animal on the planet don't you know?) washed up on Porthtowan beach down here in Cornwall.

For me this was too good of an experience to turn down and so with a little help from some friends I  managed to get down to the beach to take a look at the body for myself.

Annoyingly the tide was in so we weren't able to get down the cove that it was in and as I already mentioned it was pretty much just a mushy pulp that was left.

Regardless its not every day you get to have a good old gander at whale insides and I'm grateful to everyone who made it possible for me to see it.

I dedicate this one to my brother who I know has a love for both whales and also dead things. Love bruv x

EXPERIENCE #30: SHARING MY NEW FOUND WEALTH WITH SOMEONE LESS FORTUNATE

Today for the very first time in a long time I had a big wodge of cash at my disposal.

Since returning from my travels I've literally lived off the charitable kindness of others which has at times felt pretty shitty. So when I left the bank today and saw the local Big Issue Magazine vendor getting soggy in the drizzle I really felt for him.

I asked him if he would like a hot drink to warm him up and he said he'd love a hot chocolate. I pootled off to buy him one and a muffin and then on my return I bought a magazine from him.

We had a chat about how miserable the weather was and how it definitely was not suitable magazine selling conditions.

I didn't do all this because I pity him or regard myself as any better than him, it was merely the fact that after a good two months of people having to buy hot drinks for me it was nice to be able to buy one for someone who probably really fancied one but couldn't afford it.

EXPERIENCE #29: WRITING A DISGRUNTLED LETTER TO THE COUNCIL

So I guess its official, I have actually come of age.

I have two freshly sprouted grey hairs on the top of my head, an appointment with the eye specialist concerning my failing eye sight and now I'm writing angry letters to the council; I'm an old man.

In all fairness it is for a good and decent cause, it's about the supermarket proposals that I am campaigning against.

I have never written a letter of complaint before in my life perhaps because I'm usually content with a little grumble and then I'm fine. This however is serious and something that felt good to write.

Politics go way over my head and so I went down the more heart splicing moral based road which I think worked well.

I wonder if I will get a reply?

EXPERIENCE #28: LEARNING TO BE NORWEGIAN

Hallo!

Ja thats right friends, as I type this up I am sat in my warm and rather itchy authentic Norwegian sweater listening to the soothing sounds of Erland Oye (he's Norwegian don't you know?) and reflecting on the past half an hours worth of intensive Norwegian dialect training I've just undergone.

You see I'm pretty sure that somewhere in my body there must at least a dribble of Norwegian blood considering how set I am on one day living there.

I already have a pretty impressive roster of woolly jumpers and my wood chopping skills are the strongest they have ever been. Plus everyone knows how much I love whales and Norway has loads of them. What I don't have however are any catchy little Norwegian phrases to throw into conversations and so for today's experience I decided I would learn some.

Probably my favourite is "Han felt nedi et baekkalakk, det va jaevlig tidi!" which means "he fell down a manhole, that was fucking funny!"

Second place goes to "Ey' du! Va besteforaeldrene dine vikingar?" meaning"Excuse me sir, was your grandparents vikings?"

I got to grips with the alphabet and numbers to ten which with a bit of practice i should be able to recite from heart.

Mit navrn er Dan - there you go I just said my name is Dan, good aren't I?!

Hade! (Bye Bye!)

By the way I came across this guy when looking for lessons, he is perhaps the most awful language teacher I have ever seen, strangely I like him.

EXPERIENCE #27: WORKING AS A RECEPTIONIST FOR THE DAY

My normal position at work is in the restaurant serving food and doing some serious customer arse licking. Today however I found myself working on reception and single-handedly manning the whole bloody hotel.

I sort of knew what I was doing, well when I say sort of what I mean is that I am aware of the usual receptionist type duties such as answering phones and checking people in and out.

Turns out there is quite a bit more to it than that and consequently I totally sucked.

Firstly I put a lady in the hotels nicest room when she was actually meant to be staying in the shabbiest; I had to boot her out and she got really grumpy with me about it.

I was also really rubbish at doing the whole reception voice thing down the phone and accidentally shouted at a woman.

My last duty was to show a couple to their room and I accidentally scatted the lady over, it was actually mortifying!

I'd always wanted to know what it was like to be a receptionist and now I do, it's shit.

EXPERIENCE #26: WATCHING A MOVIE IN 3-D

Today as a belated birthday treat mother dearest took me to see Avatar in 3-D.

It's the first time I have ever seen a movie in three dimensions and in all honesty I'm not sure I liked it.

I'm allowed to say this considering I have already watched the movie in 2-D which I considered to be visually spectacular.

I think its probably the fact that it strained my eyes and I accidentally kept fingering (he he) the lenses making them all smeary.

The scenes in the jungle were pretty cool actually and I liked the way that dirt and explosions were all up in my face, I think maybe I'm just too much of a traditonalist for this sort of thing; I like my images sent directly to my eyeballs and not scrambled up or made all complicated.

Thanks anyway though mother, this one is for you my darling x